Parhelia
by Kaitson
Summary: Twilight fic; what would happen if Bella never jumped that day on the cliff? This story follows Bella, Jacob, and Edward on an alternate timeline.
1. Chapter 1 Falling

**A/N**: Thank you to my betas, bookworm411 and IamLeahsConscience for their input.

I do not own Twilight or the characters within. I am grateful to Stephenie Meyer for having created characters and stories that are so fun to play with.

**Parhelia**

_What if Bella never jumped?_

From New Moon:

"No, Bella!" _He was very angry now, and the anger was so lovely. I smiled and raised my arms straight out, as if I were going to dive, lifting my face into the rain_. _But it was too ingrained from the years of swimming at the public pool- feet first, first time. I leaned forward, crouching to get more spring…_

**Chapter 1 – Falling**

As I prepared to fling myself off of the cliff, readying my skin to feel the rush of wind as I fell from the top of the cliff into the swelling ocean below me, my body jerked backwards. What was happening? Had my illusion come to life? Was Edward really here, stopping me- not just in my head? As soon as I was steady on my feet, I froze, afraid to see the face of my rescuer.

I don't know what I expected- to see his exquisite features, his eyes burning topaz, his face twisted in concern for my safety, for my sanity. And what did I expect to say to him- would I beg for him to stay? Yell at him for having abandoned me? I looked in the distance, focusing my eyes on the flames, small but bright, far out on the water as I mentally prepared my speech.

But the hands that held me now were too soft, too warm. The breath I felt on my neck was too hot and smelled, not floral, but woodsy.

"Jacob."

"What were you _thinking_Bella!" he yelled as he turned me around to face him. "Are you mental, or do you just have a death wish? There's a storm coming. You would have been smashed against the rocks or drowned, or…or…or worse!"

I opened my mouth to argue with him, but I didn't know how to respond. I didn't want to _die_, certainly, but I suppose I was trying to brush up against death. I looked at Jacob, who was shivering in anger- or was it fear?

"Jacob, what are you _doing_here?" I finally managed to say. "What happened to following Victoria's trail?"

Jacob shook his head. "We followed her, but she took off into the water. I raced back here double speed – I didn't know if she was going to come after _you__,_ and I know how much you enjoy spending time down by the water..." Something in Jacob's eyes told me he was suffering. He wasn't telling me everything. I didn't actually jump off of the cliff or get anywhere near the water, so what could be the problem? I gasped, panicked, as I thought of what it could be. Jacob let me down beside him, releasing his tight grip so that I could breath.

"Oh no, Jacob, who did she hurt?" My thoughts flickered wildly through the faces of the Quileute pack: Paul, Jared, Embry, Quil, and Sam. Which of my friends had sacrificed something defending me?

Jacob bit his lip. "It's not that," his mouth twisted around the words. "It's Harry Clearwater. He's had a heart attack."

My momentary relief turned almost instantly into grief.

"Harry?" I shook my head, Charlie's good friend. 'Does Charlie know? Is Harry going to be okay?"

"We don't know, Bella. Charlie's headed to the hospital right now with my dad."

I suddenly felt very stupid and very selfish. Jacob was here, preventing me from risking my neck, instead of being where he should be: with Billy at Harry's side. What a stupid time to be reckless.

"What can I do?" I asked.

"I'm taking you to my house. You can stay there with me until Charlie comes back from the hospital."

I rode in silence as Jacob drove my truck to his house. When we got there, Jacob threw open the door, a little too hard and collapsed on the couch.

"I'm just going to close my eyes," he yawned. "Don't get any ideas."

I promised him I would stay. As I watched him slowly slip into sleep, the sound of his breathing, slow and deep, was so like a lullaby to me. The room was very warm, and I was so tired. I gave in to my heavy lids and drifted off to sleep.

For the first time in a very long time, my dream was just a normal dream. Flickers of blurred photographs, or were they memories, played on behind my eyelids: the sun in Phoenix, my mother and father's faces, paintings with gilded frames, a flame on the black water...

The last image was the only one that stuck in my head: a vision of a girl on a balcony in her pajamas, talking to herself.

Jacob rolled over with a grunt, and I was brought back to reality. My mind was still contemplating that last image: Juliet waiting for Romeo, Juliet wondering why her Romeo had left her. What if Romeo left, not because he was banished, but because he lost interest? Would Juliet have gone back to Paris, marrying him in the end, even though she loved him no where near as much as she loved Romeo? While I was contemplating Shakespeare, Jacob's rhythmic breathing lulled me back to sleep, still with Romeo running through my thoughts.

Jacob's face appeared in my thoughts, soft, warm, adoring, and most of all, _here._Maybe I had it all wrong. Maybe _my_Romeo had never left me. After all, what better comparisons to draw between Paris and- I cringed as I thought his name in my sleep- Edward? The wealthy, established older business man, described as being made of wax, handsome and well built, who had held Juliet's heart. Maybe, just maybe, it was Paris who left, making room for Romeo, impetuous and reckless Romeo, to steal her heart.

I drifted further into sleep, comforted by the thought that mine might be a happy ending after all or at least a happy _now_. My dreams took me back to the cliff: Edward's voice, Jacob's hands, the strange fire out on the water. There was something about those flames, familiar in their coloring, but, of course, it couldn't have been real fire…

It was Billy's voice that woke me. The front door opened, and the light came on. Jacob awoke with a start, knocking me off of the sofa.

"Sorry," Billy grunted, "Did we wake you?" Sam followed him through the door.

Jacob seemed to be reading Billy's expression carefully, and after just a moment, hurried to Billy's side to take his hand.

"Oh no," I said, almost whispering. Hot tears started welling in my eyes. "I'm so sorry."

"It's going to be hard all around." Billy responded, to no one in particular. "Your father is down at the hospital with Sue. There are a lot of arrangements to be made. Jacob, why don't you take Bella home?Charlie shouldn't be too long, and someone should be there with him when he returns."

Jacob nodded, released Billy's hand, and turned to me. "Maybe I should drive."

Once we were in the truck, I could feel Jacob's eyes on me. "Are you okay Bella? You don't look so good."

"I guess I don't feel so good either." I paused and looked up at Jacob. His jaw was clenched. "Are you okay?"

"Sure, sure" Jacob said dismissively. He took one hand off of the wheel and pulled me close to his side. I leaned my head against his chest, listening to his heart beat, feeling the warmth come off of his body. I thought about how, in so many ways, Jacob really was my own personal sun.

"How will you get home?" I asked.

"I'm not going home. We still haven't caught the bloodsucker, remember?"

I froze in my seat. Victoria was still looking for me. Jacob and his pack were the last line of defense between me and death at her hands…or teeth. Was I willing to let Jacob risk his life, even if was to save mine? I turned my head towards his shoulder, his bare skin feverish on my lips, and he put his arm around me. "I know you don't feel the same way about me, Bella, but that's okay. Just knowing that I can do something to keep you safe… if anything ever happened…" his voice caught on the last thought.

Jacob pulled the truck into my driveway. He looked down at me, his affection for me, and his fervent determination both blazing in his eyes. Almost without thinking, I lifted my chin and met his lips with mine. It felt amazing, like kissing the sun: my chest ached, my heart burned, like flames.

Suddenly, something Jacob said to me earlier echoed in my head, finally sinking in. _She took off into the water,_he'd said, _I was afraid she was going to double back to you_.

My lips froze on his, and my whole body went rigid. I realized why I recognized the strange color on the water: Victoria's hair, blowing in the wind. She was right there, in the water. If I had jumped, it might not have been the water or the rocks that could have killed me. If Jacob hadn't been there…


	2. Chapter 2 Human

A/N: Thank you to my betas, bookworm411 and IamLeahsConscience for their input.

I do not own Twilight or the characters within. I am grateful to Stephenie Meyer for having created characters and stories that are so fun to play with.

**Chapter 2 – Human**

"C'mon, Jake, we'll be late for the burial."

We had been sitting on the porch swing outside Sue Clearwater's home for almost a half an hour in silence. Jacob held my hand, absentmindedly tracing images on my palm with his fingers, while we watched the procession pull away from the lot.

"Wait with me just a little bit – they're driving so slowly. It'll be cake to catch up," Jacob answered, staring into the distance.

I thought about how crowded Sue's backyard had been for the ceremony and how empty the whole world felt now.

The ceremony had been a beautiful mix of traditional and modern. Sue wanted Harry to have a traditional burial canoe, and so one stood at the front of the crowd, leaning against the side of the house, but his body was ultimately placed in a casket for burial. Billy had given a beautiful speech, remembering Harry as a strong youth, searching after his - what did they call it – his _taxilit_, or personal spiritual guardian.

"Harry Clearwater embodied the Quileute wolf spirit," he had said. "He was a devoted friend, he was generous, and he was fierce, especially when he came to his friends and family…" I looked over at Lean and Seth, Harry's children. Seth had his head buried in Leah's neck; Leah looked into the distance, vacant and hollow.

My eyes had then turned to Sue, whose face was the mirror of Leah's. Her grief, I knew, would know no depth; her soul mate had left her behind, had gone where she could not follow. Looking at her, I squeezed Jacob's hand tighter. Someday when Jacob had settled down, no longer feeling the need to change into a Quileute protector, he too would grow old and die.

It was only then that I felt the tears coming. Someday I might be sitting in Sue's place, mourning. Or maybe I would follow him anyway, for when my sun extinguished, what would be the point of continuing?

Jacob stood up from the swing, bringing me back to the present. He reached his hand out for mine. "Alright, let's go, Bella."

He led me over to his Rabbit and opened the rusty passenger side door before walking around to his side and taking his seat. My retractable seatbelt was stuck, and Jacob had to reach across me to help fasten it, pausing as his eyes met mine. When the engine finally started, we followed the last of the cars off of Sue's lot.

I could only continue to think about my future as we drove to the cemetery. It was a new problem to consider; when I was with Edward, my future stretched into forever. Now, it was all I could do to stop counting the dwindling days ahead of me.

At least Sue still had family, I thought, as later we watched Harry's casket as it was lowered into the earth. Leah and Seth were standing on either side of her, propping her up. When the time came for me to say goodbye for the last time, would I have the same comfort?

I was still thinking about it on the way home – children, that is. I never really wanted any. Having spent a good deal of my portion mothering my own mother maybe had something to do with it. Also, I never really knew how to act around small children. Whenever I envisioned Renee having another kid, it was always an older brother in my mind. Would growing old with Jacob change my mind about wanting to become a mother?

By the time we pulled up to the house after dark, I was lost deep in thought. Jacob nudged me with his shoulder.

"Hey, snap out of it- you haven't said anything in hours. I'm beginning to get worried about you."

"Oh!" I said with a start. "Um, sorry about that." I bit my lip. "It's just that…today's given me a lot to think about."

"Yeah, that makes two of us." He leaned across the seat and inhaled the scent from my hair before kissing the crown of my head.

"So, you wanna come in?" I didn't want to be alone, having already spent so much time contemplating my eventual loneliness.

"I can only stay a little bit. I should get home soon; it's been a long day," he said, already inside, moving up the stairs ahead of me two at a time.

I walked into my room and saw him waiting for me, sitting on top of the faded quilt that covered my bed. His arms were open towards me as he nodded for me to sit down next to him. As I sat, I rested my head against his arm and wove my fingers into his. It was so nice to be with Jacob like this, knowing that I didn't have to fill the silence between us, but could instead breathe in the silence along with his woodsy smell, both so comforting and warm.

He took a deep breath alongside me. "Woah, Bella!" He exhaled abruptly. "What do you have hiding under your bed? It stinks!"

"What do you mean?" I asked. I couldn't smell anything

"Something awful but sweet… what is it, rotting fruit?" He got up and bent over to check. "Huh. There's nothing there…"

"Yeah, I don't smell anything."

Then Jacob froze. He slowly leaned down over the floorboards, and then snapped back up. "_Bloodsuckers."_The word came out, as if a curse. His body was quivering, and I recognized the look in his eyes. He was preparing for a fight.

"There's no one here but us, Jacob." I said, frozen, not entirely sure I was right. He seemed to calm down some.

"I know- the scent isn't fresh. Do you mind?" He indicated one of the floorboards. It seemed to be loose. I hadn't noticed before. I shrugged- whatever was under there, I could take it if Jacob was with me.

"Oh," he said, softly, as if in apology. He came up with a stack of photos and paper in his hand. "I guess these are… yours," he said as he handed them over to me. The picture on top of the stack was like a punch in the stomach. Edward was there, smiling radiantly, a ghost from another lifetime.

"I didn't think…" I started, not knowing how to finish. I went through the pile with Jacob by my side. So, Edward didn't have the heart to destroy his evidence. I almost chuckled at the idiom but couldn't. I kept waiting for the old wounds to open, for blood to start pouring out from my chest, but the pain never reached beyond a dull throb.

The last in the small pile was an envelope, folded in half with delicate writing on the outside: "For Bella" Who had written it – Carlisle? Esme? Tentatively, I opened the flap to look at the contents.

"How could I forget something like this?" I said as if to myself. Jacob looked sheepish beside me- no small feat for a wolf.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. If I had known what was there…" He kept his gaze on my hands.

"No, I mean, thank you, but, well, here." I said, and thrust the tickets into his lap. "They were probably meant for me and…" I glossed over the name, "But maybe you would like to get away with me for spring break? I don't know if Billy would be too keen on the idea, or if Charlie would allow it, but we'd have a free place to stay, and the pack hasn't needed you much since you haven't seen…Victoria…" I stumbled over her name as well, "in a while…"

Jacob's eyes lit up. "Go to Florida? With you?" He smiled my favorite smile and circled his arms around me. "It's a date!"


	3. Chapter 3 Flight

A/N: Thank you to my beta, bookworm411

I do not own Twilight or the characters within. I am grateful to Stephenie Meyer for having created characters and stories that are so fun to play with.

**Chapter 3 – Flight**

The fluorescent lights hummed above me as I methodically made my way up and down each aisle at the Thriftway. I didn't need much. I had gone shopping just the week before, but I was making a special dinner in preparation for asking Charlie's permission to go to Jacksonville, and Grandma Swan's beef stroganoff required some things I just didn't keep on hand. Still, I went down every aisle to stretch out my time under the humming fluorescent lights. It wasn't anything about the lights in particular, but here in their presence I could pretend that outside was anywhere, even Phoenix, Arizona. I wondered, as this thought occurred to me, whether I needed to pretend anymore.

On the way home, I experimented with focusing on the rhythmic beating of tiny raindrops on the roof of my car rather than pretending I didn't hear it. The sound was more soothing than I expected.

I gently broached the subject of Florida after Charlie had finished two heaping bowls of stroganoff. "So, Dad, um, did I ever tell you that Esme and Carlisle got me two tickets to Jacksonville for my birthday?"

Charlie flinched slightly at my mentioning the Cullens, but his expression quickly smoothed as he realized I wasn't about to go into hysterics. I can't say I blamed him.

"No," He looked at me quizzically. "That was pretty generous of them. You thinking of going? You're still in school, Bella,"

"Oh, I would go over spring break, you know, so I wouldn't miss any school."

Charlie considered this. "Alright, I don't see any harm." He paused. "Wait, you said two tickets. Who were you thinking of taking with you? Because I don't know if I'm up for that kind of vacation right now…"

"Well, I was actually thinking of inviting Jacob, because he never gets to go anywhere. And I think the sun would do him some good, you know." I shrugged, hoping Charlie wouldn't hear the real reason I wanted to go with Jacob; that I couldn't bear to be without him.

It wasn't as much of a fight as I thought it might be. I think he was so happy to see me finally enjoying myself that he was over his fear that any day now I would slip back into the depression that had consumed me when Edward left.

"I guess it's okay with me if it's okay with Billy," he sighed.

He had a few stipulations, of course. We had to schedule our visit entirely within our week off so I wouldn't miss any school, I had to take some homework with me so that I wouldn't fall behind, and he made me promise that I would behave myself, especially since I was going to be on vacation with a _boy._ He also called Renee to make sure that she had separate accommodations for us. I caught some of her side of the conversation, and thought I could just make out her saying something about Charlie thinking she doesn't know how to parent. I stifled a laugh.

I spent the flight down to Florida in quiet excitement. It had been so long since I had seen the sun, and Jacob had never been outside of the state of Washington, at least, not on vacation. I didn't count runs with the pack to Canada while chasing vampires.

Looking over at Jacob, I couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking. Half the time he seemed to be staring at me out of the corner of his eye as if he were worried that I might disappear at any moment and without warning. The other half he seemed intent on studying the bald patch of the gentleman sitting in front of him. His legs would bounce with what I supposed must have been nervous energy; he'd probably never had to sit still for this long. I put a reassuring hand on his knee, and eventually the bouncing slowed. He fell asleep a little while later. I knew the moment he was out because he started snoring loudly, much to the chagrin of our fellow passengers.

When we arrived in Florida, it seemed that Jacob was intent on spending every ounce of energy he had pent up during the flight. We spent almost every day of our visit with Renee and, when his schedule allowed it, Phil, playing on the beach. I mostly watched while Jacob ran, jumped, cart-wheeled, and otherwise made his way up and down the beach. He spent a good deal of time trying to make me laugh by intentionally falling on his behind.

Jacob also teased me relentlessly about being so white. "Hey, paleface, it's about time you got some sun!" he yelled to me, seldom taking his eyes off of me as we splashed around in the ocean. I smirked back at him. Despite his teasing, I think he was secretly disappointed that I was wearing a one-piece. He was so comfortable out in the sun; his skin seemed to soak in the rays and become more radiant as the light grew long. I couldn't help but stare at the russet colored smoothness that wrapped so tightly around his defined muscles. Of course, Jacob went without a shirt most days now, but in the Florida sun he was another creature altogether.

The last night we were there, Phil suggested that he and Jacob have a "boy's night in", implying that Renee and I should have a "girl's night out." We decided to go down by the boardwalk and watch the waves coming in over the sand.

"So, this Jacob," She started, and took a breath. "How old is he, really?"

I smiled to myself. She wasn't the only one who was confused about Jacob's age. "He turned 16 a few months ago."

"So young," she said quietly "and yet…" she continued, letting the thought hang in the humid air. "He seems very dedicated to you" she added, as if starting a new discussion.

I could feel the blood pooling in my cheeks. "Yeah, he kind of follows me around like a puppy."

"But then, sometimes he seems much older, ready to take on more than a 16 year old would." She said, continuing on her previous line of thought. Leave it to my mother to see through appearances. "You like him."

"Of course, what's not to like" I told her, trying for dismissive.

"It's more than that. When you look at him, you look different. When you move, it's as if he is the center of your gravity."

Gravity. I remembered how Jacob had described imprinting when he was trying to explain Sam and Emily, Jared and Kim, and finally, Quil and Claire.

We had been on a different beach then, First Beach back in La Push. The conversation started with a jab at the pack mind. "What's the latest pack scandal?" I asked lightly as we walked. He seemed shocked, and stopped in his tracks, but realized quickly I had meant the question as a joke. It was too late; he had given himself away.

"What- there is a scandal? What is it? What is it that everyone in your head already knows?"

Jacob glanced at me sideways as if deciding how much he would tell me. "Quil imprinted. That's three now. The rest of us are starting to get worried. Maybe it's more common than the stories say…" He frowned, and turned to look right at me.

We walked a little more in silence, and he reached across to take my hand. I loved how it felt; his skin tough but smoothed over, and so warm. I wondered if it would mean the same thing to Jacob as it did to me- a small gesture to the world that he was mine- or rather, that I was his.

"Why is Quil's imprinting such a scandal?" I asked finally, when it looked like he wasn't going to go on. "Is it because he's the newest one?"

"That doesn't have anything to do with it."

"Then what's the problem?"

"It's another one of those legend things. I wonder when we're going to stop being surprised that they're _all true_."

I waited patiently for him to go on- I knew he would after a bit.

"It's, well, Emily had her two nieces down for a visit, and Quil met Claire." Again, I waited for him to continue. "And, well, try not to be judgmental, but, well it's a little early." I nodded for him to continue. "Claire is two,"

The shock must have been evident on my face, because Jacob froze for a moment. "Quil…imprinted…on a _two-year-old?"_

"It happens, or so the stories say." Jacob continued walking, kicking up rocks as we moved.

"But she's a baby," I protested.

"Quil's not getting any older," Jacob reminded me. Was there anyone who was aging as I was? "He'll just have to be patient for a few decades."

He went on to explain that Quil didn't think of Claire like _that_, at least not yet. _It's so hard to describe. It's not like love at first sight, really. It's more like... gravity moves…_The words echoed in my head.

I contemplated how Renee described me around Jacob.I couldn't have imprinted on Jacob; it was a wolf thing. Could he have imprinted on me? No. The answer came too quickly. When a Quileute imprinted, all of the rules were out the window – he wouldn't have had to cheat while trying to tell me about his "furry problem." Might he eventually imprint on someone- someone else? I had to admit, the possibility existed- was even likely.

"I guess I tied myself to him when…well, when Edward left. It was Jacob that brought me back, who finally got me back on my feet." It was a whopping understatement.

"Well, Charlie must be thankful that you've got him. He's like… a best friend and a big brother," she said, and I wondered if she was trying to convince me or herself. "He seems like a good protector."

I shrugged, not knowing exactly how to respond. _Protector. _She couldn't have chosen a more appropriate, if not entirely complete, description.

**A/N Please review :)**


	4. Chapter 4 Fight

A/N: Thank you to my beta, bookworm411

I do not own Twilight or the characters within. I am grateful to Stephenie Meyer for having created characters and stories that are so fun to play with.

Chapter 4 – Fight

We came in through Charlie's screen door with Jacob carrying our luggage. He was still laughing at the terrible movie they had screened on the flight from Florida to Washington. Jacob could always be counted on to find the humor in terribly executed gore movies- but whose idea was it to put _Chainsaw Mommas_ on a flight? It seemed inappropriate for general audiences, making it even more hilarious.

Charlie was waiting for us on the couch in front of the television, watching baseball.

"Hey kids, did you have a good time?"

"You bet!" Jacob answered with a wide smile.

"Don't forget to call Renee. She'd want to know you got in safe. Oh, and Jacob, there were a bunch of calls here for you." Jacob's smile dissolved into a puzzled look. I guess my face must have looked similar because Charlie answered our unspoken question.

"Bunch of guys from down your way – knew you were out of town but coming here first? They wanted you to call as soon as you got in. Sounded urgent, but they wouldn't say what. I called Billy, and he assured me everything's okay…" Charlie trailed off.

Jacob made an attempt at nonchalance. "I'm sure they're just waiting to harass me for spending so much time with a girl," Not likely, I thought, with Sam, Jared, and Quil spending all of their time with _girls_. "Mind if I use your phone?"

"Go ahead. Let me know if something's up, will you? I may not have any real authority down the reservation, but the badge still holds some sway if you need any help."

"Sure, sure." Jacob moved stiffly, at least to my eyes, into the kitchen. I excused myself to follow.

"Hello? Paul? What's-" Jacob didn't have time to finish. I could hear a flurry of expletives almost barked into the phone. I watched the confusion fade from his face, only to be replaced with shock, then anger.

I tried to guess what was going on based on what I could glean from the conversation I could overhear, which wasn't much, and Jacob's expression. I couldn't come up with anything. Not until I heard Paul yell one word that brought everything into relief: _bloodsucker._

I sank into a chair, the blood draining from my face. Jacob stared ahead, jaw clenched, his eyes never leaving the wall, his expression never shifting but his silhouette shimmering. Were they back? Why?

He took a deep breath. "I'll be right there. No, I'll bring her. She has a right to be there," he looked over at me, "She'd want to know." He hung up the phone with more force than necessary.

Jacob came over to me and crouched by my side, his face only slightly lower than mine even as he tried to compact his body. He reached out to move the hair off of my face.

"It's going to be all right, Bella. Sam is going to explain, but you're going to be all right." He took my hand and led to the kitchen's back door. "I'm going to tell Charlie- something- I'll be right back."

I was still numb. The Cullen's weren't any danger, so why was Jacob trying to tell me that I'm going to be okay? Sure, I would be okay. I had Jacob now, and if Edward were here, well, we could be friends, right? If he still wanted to be, that is.

Would I ever get used to the way Jacob moved? He had silently and suddenly come up from behind me.

"Stay here. When I get back, hop on." He burst outside through the screen door.

Hop on what? Was he going to get the motorcycles? How could he carry both of them? Maybe he just meant on the back of his-

Before I could think other interpretations, out of the woods strode a very large and very furry wolf. My eyes popped open.

"You want me to hop on _you?"_

The wolf lowered his head. I suppose that was a yes. He knelt down from his front paws and let me climb on his back. He howled once, softly but urgently- I took it to mean "hold on."

As he took off into the words, the trees were flying past me too quickly to see them individually – the forest was a blur. I had to close my eyes- this sort of traveling brought back memories I had worked hard to forget. Unlike when I rode on Edward's back, I could feel Jacob running beneath me. It took all of my concentration to keep the limited contents of my stomach down.

When I finally worked up the courage to open my eyes several minutes after I felt us stop, I recognized the house.

"Emily and Sam's," I reminded myself. I carefully slid down off of his back and waited for him to change in the woods. "Jacob, what did you tell Charlie?"

"Oh." Jacob shrugged as he returned. "I told him that we hadn't eaten since we left Florida and that I was going to take you out for dinner." I could see the flaw in his plan.

"Won't Charlie be suspicious when my truck is still in the driveway?"

Jacob looked at me, realizing his error. "Shoot, I knew I was forgetting something. Be right back. Sam!" he yelled out. Sam appeared in the doorway. "Watch Bella for me, will you?" He turned around without a second glance and ran away into the woods.

"Might as well come inside, Bella." Sam gestured me over. "Emily made some muffins, if you're hungry."

I walked inside the small house, and looked around the kitchen. Five boys, all larger than life, were crowded around a small kitchen table, staring up at me. I reached over to the bowl in the middle and pulled out a muffin. I wasn't hungry, but picking at the pastry gave me something to do with my hands.

"Hey guys," I made a nervous attempt at small talk. "How was the weather while we were gone?" Meanwhile, I was wondering why the return of the Cullens would warrant a meeting like this.

"She wants to talk about the weather." Paul was almost growling. Sam went over to him and put his hand on Paul's shoulder.

"Relax, Paul. This isn't Bella's fault."

Not my fault? Why else would they have returned? Nothing was adding up.

"What's not my fault?" I looked at Sam, my head cocked sideways.

"We'd better wait until Jacob gets back," he replied, still holding on to Paul.

The possibilities whirled through my mind. Did Edward want me back? Was this going to end in a fight? I couldn't bear to have the two men in my life fighting over me. I loved Edward, but was it enough- did I want him back too?

I stood still, trying not to look into the eyes of the five giants sitting in front of me. I turned my attention to the muffin, pretending to analyze it until I heard the familiar roar of my truck's engine outside.

As soon as Jacob walked through the door, Sam relaxed his grip on Paul and cleared his throat.

"She's going to pay. We're through playing her game; we have to lure her in and finish this once and for all."

I felt all of the blood drain from my face as I collapsed backwards into Jacob's arms. I was wrong. The Cullens weren't back.

Victoria was.

The blackness pulled me under; or rather, I wrapped myself in it, welcoming its familiar numbness. Of course Edward hadn't returned- hadn't he said he didn't want me? I followed the blackness down, so I wouldn't have to think about it. Finally, my mind was quiet. I could still hear a familiar voice in the distance.

"Bella, Bella! Bells, talk to me! Sam, Emily, what should I do? Bella!" Jacob's voice was making its way through the blackness, showing me the way to the surface. I felt my eyelids flutter and open, momentarily blinded by the light shining in them.

"Oh, thank God," Jacob said as he crushed me to his chest.

I started to hyperventilate as I remembered the reason I for my passing out.

"What happened?" I asked, my eyes darting around the room. "Where is she?"

"Relax, Bella." Jared piped up for the first time. "She's pretty far out at the moment, but she keeps circling back. We've been taking turns scouting the woods."

"When you guys were gone," Sam continued, "she slipped past us." He looked over at Quil- his face was down, his eyes on the floor. It must have been Quil on duty that night. "It wasn't his fault, of course," Sam added quickly. "She's slippery, has a knack for escaping. The rest of us went to intercept her before she could make her way into Forks,"

"I owe the bloodsucker," Paul interrupted, his jaw clenched, "you take a chunk out of my shoulder, you should expect consequences."

I gasped as my hands flew to my mouth. "Paul! Are you okay?!"

He chuckled darkly. "Yeah, took me a full day and a half to heal after that scuffle. Now I just want revenge– to tear a piece off of her."

She must have come pretty close. The panic was fresh in my chest as I thought of Charlie – he was all alone at home, unprotected.

"Wait," I started as Charlie's vulnerability occurred to me. "If you're all here, who is scouting now?"

Jacob sighed, but it was Sam who spoke with a grimace. "Seth…"

Little Seth. I found it almost impossible to think of him as a giant wolf, out in the woods; I couldn't help thinking about how vulnerable he looked at Harry's funeral.

"How many of you _are _there?" I started to count again.

"There are seven of us now. Still, it's the largest pack the elders have ever heard of." Sam's voice seemed far away.

"She's outnumbered, Sam. We can take her. We just need to be more...diligent." Jacob's voice, in contrast, was hard and determined.

I sat in the little kitchen, staring at the back of Jacob's head as I listened to them planning. I cringed as I thought about the price of my safety – I couldn't bear it if anything happened to my sun. I thought about how wrong I had been about which immortals were back in town. As I looked at Jacob, my Jacob, I knew who I couldn't live without.


	5. Chapter 5 Admissions

**Chapter 5- Admissions**

The freezer was chockablock with bags of vegetables and frozen fish. I had to take half of the contents out to find what I was looking for, and most of the contents had to be thrown out because of freezer-burn. For as good a fisherman as Charlie was, he sure didn't know how to prepare a fish for the freezer. I glanced at Jacob over my shoulder as I reached in to pull out some of the chicken I finally found to thaw for dinner.

"Hey, you want to stay for dinner tonight?" I asked, hopefully. Jacob hadn't been around much lately- all of the wolves were running double shifts around the clock trying to catch Victoria, but she hadn't surfaced since the night she hurt Paul. I was grateful that Sam had let Jacob off the hook for a few hours; the bags under his eyes were starting to make him look like a thirsty vampire…

I shook off that particular thought.

"Sure, what are you making?" He sounded alert, but his expression told a different story. He was exhausted. Was I being selfish for wanting him here with me instead of letting him sleep?

"Chicken…something. I don't know yet."

"Real specific, Bells."

I couldn't help but smile. It was easy to pretend that there was no danger when Jacob was like this. He bent his head down over the table to look at the stack of papers in front of him.

"I don't know how you can understand all of these requirements," He had been trying to help me fill out college applications for most of the afternoon. "What do they mean when they say that you have to describe your 'yearn to learn' with a metaphor? It sounds…lame."

I only had a few applications to complete. I intended to stay nearby since Jacob wouldn't be graduating for another year, and luckily there were a couple good schools only a few hours away by car. Of course, if Jacob ran, he would probably cut down on commute time.

"I dunno, I'll come up with something though. Most of them let you use a common application and essay. What do you think of Bellevue College?" I asked.

Jacob shrugged. "Never heard of it."

"What's wrong with the University of Washington, my alma matter?" Charlie asked as he walked in. "Hey Bells, what's for dinner?"

"Dad, it's only your alma mater if you graduate. And I'm making chicken something."

"Real specific," Charlie answered, smiling.

"That's what I told her." Jacob stood up to greet Charlie.

"And just because I didn't get the degree doesn't mean I don't have the smarts. Those night classes did me a load of good. You staying for supper, kid?" He turned to Jacob.

"Yup," he smiled widely again, hastily adding: "if it's alright with you. But I was thinking of taking Bella for a walk in the meantime. She's been filling out paperwork for hours now."

"Alright, but you kids stay out of the woods. There have been some bear sightings reported down at the station."

Jacob looked knowingly at me. "Of course, we'll stick to the main roads and sidewalks."

He took my hand easily and we made our way through the door.

"Where are we going, Jake?" I looked up at him as we walked. I probably should have kept my eyes on where I was going because not five feet from the house, I tripped over a tire iron I had left out earlier. Jacob caught me effortlessly.

"I just wanted to talk. Away from Charlie."

"Is everything ok?"

"Sure, sure."

I resisted the urge to look up at him again and instead kept my eyes on the ground. "You know, you can talk to me, Jake. What's going on, trouble keeping up the lookout shifts? I know you've been so tired lately…"

"Nah, that's no problem. I like the exercise. I…well, let's just say 'another one bites the dust.'" He made air quotes as he said it.

"How do you mean, Jake?"

"It's Embry. Damn it! That leaves two of us now." He kicked the ground, making a spray of dirt fall in an arc away from us. _Two of them left. _Oh. Embry must have imprinted- only Paul and Jacob were left now. Would it happen any day for them- was it only a matter of time?

"Who is she?"

"Leah. And," he went on without a pause, "it's just… well, what _are we_?"

I stopped and looked at him, confused. "You're _werewolves_, Jake, just like the other Quileutes before you."

"Not _that_ we," he rolled his eyes. "Sometimes you are so thick."

"Oh," I looked at my feet. One of my shoelaces was untied, but it could wait.

"You like me, right?"

"Of course I do!" My head snapped back up. "I spend all my free time with you, don't I? I mean, at least when you're not out on puppy-patrol."

He laughed at my patronizing nickname for his very serious duty, but his face fell quickly.

"And it's not just because you are afraid of being eaten?"

I thought about what he was asking. How could he question how I felt about him? Wasn't it obvious?

"Jake, what are you asking me, exactly?"

"Let's put it this way. If you had to bring me home to Charlie, you know, for the first time, how would you introduce me?"

"You're my Jacob." The answer seemed simple enough, and honest, but he looked disappointed. "But, I suppose I would say…that Charlie would want to know, that is, that you were my...you know…boyfriend."

"And you would tell him that… now?"

"If it means that much to you, sure."

He bent down and scooped me up in his strong arms, and kissed me feverishly. It was impossible to break away from his hold, not least of all because he was immensely strong. I talked into his lips as he continued to kiss me.

"But I'm going to need some air left in me if I'm going to be able to say anything to Charlie when we get back."


	6. Chapter 6 Commencements

**Chapter 6– Commencements**

I looked at myself in the mirror, holding up a blue dress in one hand, a red dress in the other. Even I noticed the difference in my face – not that I had looked in the mirror that much in the months after Edward left- but my eyes did seem brighter, my brow less furrowed.

"Are you ok in there, Bells?" Charlie called outside the door. "We don't have all day, and I'm pretty sure they won't hold up the graduation ceremonies for you."

"Yeah, dad, I'm fine. I just don't know what to wear." I chuckled at myself. Why did I care, today of all days? I would be wearing a gown over either dress anyways. I threw on the red dress; Jacob always liked me in red – he said it brought out the color in my cheeks. I tossed the yellow robe I would have to wear at the ceremonies over my arm, and headed out to meet the day.

Charlie was beaming as we drove to Forks High School in the cruiser. "My little girl," he started. I rolled my eyes. Charlie was never good at displays of emotion; whatever he was about to say must be important for him to voice it. "High school graduate, college bound, moving away..."

"Dad," I didn't want to get caught up in anything too sentimental either, "I'll just be in Seattle, hardly 'away'" I mumbled, "and that's not until fall, anyway."

He smiled, the skin around his eyes crinkling. "Well, in any case, I'm proud of you. Real proud, Bells." He patted me clumsily on the knee.

Charlie pulled his cruiser into my usual parking spot. I caught myself before I could look around for a silver Volvo- the instinct still surfaced sometimes, but it was easier to ignore these days. Moments later, Jacob pulled up in his Rabbit, Billy in the passenger side.

"Jacob, I'm going to pretend I didn't see you driving." Charlie muttered under his breath as Jacob folded himself out of the cramped car.

"Relax, chief," Jacob said easily as he strode towards us, smiling broadly. "I turned 16 a few months ago, right Bella?" I grimaced. Jacob's birthday had been one of the many days I had missed during my…recovery. Jacob winked at me, letting me know I had long since been forgiven. I looked at Charlie; I could tell that he loved it when Jacob called him chief.

"Oh," Charlie exhaled. "Nice to finally have a legal chauffer, eh, Billy?"

"No doubt about it. Bella, what are you doing to celebrate tonight?"

I paused- I hadn't thought about it. I knew that Angela and Jessica were planning to take a large group to Port Angeles to celebrate, but I hadn't considered going. I liked hanging out around home in small groups, but social gatherings of the magnitude they were planning still made me uncomfortable.

"I dunno, why?"

"Well, we're having a bonfire over by the reservation if you're interested. I'm sure Jacob would love to have you there."

"Sounds great!" Charlie seemed genuinely excited about the idea. He had taken the news that Jacob and I were dating fairly enthusiastically. "What do you say, Bells? Should we head down to La Push for a cook-out?"

Billy stole a sideways glance at Jacob. "Uh, I think this is more of a young-person thing," Billy said, slowly. "I'm sure the kids would want a little privacy. How about you get to sleep early tonight, and come by tomorrow at dawn to take me fishing?"

Charlie seemed to think it over for a little bit. "You're probably right; us old folks would probably just ruin the fun. Bella and I can catch a little dinner after the ceremony. What do you say, around 4 tomorrow? We want to get out ahead of the rain…"

I let my attention drift away as Charlie and Billy made plans for the next day, and my eyes caught Jacob's.

"Hey dad," Jacob interrupted, not looking away from me, "I'm gonna escort Bella over to the gym."

"Alright, we'll be over by the stands when you're ready to join us."

Jacob took my hand, and we walked over to the gym where the rest of my class was getting ready to file out for the ceremonies. "I can't believe I'm dating an older woman." He smiled, teasing me, "I mean, I could almost forget about it for a while, but now you're graduating,"

I reached on my tiptoes to slap the back of his head. He barely flinched. "It doesn't help that you don't age." I whispered harshly. Age was still a sore subject for me.

"Does it help that I _look_ 25?"

I set my face in a scowl. "A _little _bit."

Jacob looked at me with the lopsided smile that he knew was my favorite. I could feel a smile breaking through my lips. With one arm, Jacob reached around me to pick me up so that we were almost face to face, and kissed me with such warmth, I forgot why I was upset. Of course, that made it hard to breathe…

"Let me go, you big dog!" I managed to wheeze, still smiling.

"Never." He whispered urgently in my ear. He finally put me down, kissed the top of my head, and loped towards the bleachers.

Dazed, I made my way to the sea of yellow gowns in the back of the room. We were supposed to line up alphabetically by last name, but most people were still rushing around, squealing and yelling with incredulity that today had arrived. Jessica caught my eye as I walked over, and started jumping up and down.

"Can you _believe_ it? It feels like we just met, and here we are, graduating!" She hugged me, almost as tight as my boyfriend had a minute ago. I wondered where this new-found enthusiasm came from – she hadn't been talking to me a few weeks ago. Chalk it up to sentimentality I suppose.

Ms. Cope and Mr. Varner came over to try and impose some order to the chaos that was the senior class.

"Alright everybody, I know you're excited but it's time." Ms. Cope announced. Jessica took me by the elbow and led me over to the 'S' portion of the alphabetic line.

We settled into order and filed into our seats to the tune of "Pomp and Circumstance" being played ever-so-slightly out of tune but the school band. Eric was the only one out of line; he headed over to the podium to give his speech as valedictorian. The whole day was going by way too quickly, and I was so intent on capturing every moment.

I kept looking behind me to steal glances at my loved ones, but every time my attention came back to the pomp and circumstance of the ceremony, too much time had passed. Eric was racing through his speech; all I caught was his insistence that commencement means "beginning" and I couldn't help but agree with every fiber of my being.

All too soon, Principal Green started calling names up to receive diplomas. He was already on the 'C's when I looked back from a glance at Jacob. He called Tyler Crowley up to the stage. My stomach dropped; I knew that the next person to receive her diploma would have been Alice. Alice! I thought as a knot began to grow in my stomach.

Yes, this commencement was definitely a beginning, because everything that needed to end had done so last year, when the Cullens left. The hole in my chest had long since closed, but it was far from healed. I imagined that wound would look like a shiny pink scar along my heart that still ached from time to time.


	7. Chapter 7 Promises

**Chapter 7 - Promises **

Dinner with Charlie wasn't painful exactly. At least he didn't give me any more mushy speeches. Jacob made me give him a rundown after he picked me up for the bonfire in his Rabbit. It was always comical to me how he had to fold himself to get into the driver's side seat.

"Jake, I know you're proud of this car, and you _should_ be- you're the best mechanic ever- but have you considered that you don't really…_fit_ in this car anymore? I mean, what are you now, 6'5" now?"

"6'7" actually," he said, "all muscle."

"Jake, that's what people say when they're explaining how much they weight, not how tall they are."

"Fine, but I dare you to disagree." He flexed his bicep, and I made a show of being impressed. "Go back though," he said, curious to hear more about dinner at The Lodge, "it was crowded, wasn't it? You must have been thrilled." He stretched the last word into two syllables, emphasizing the sarcasm. "Anyone I know there?" He leaned over to turn on the radio. Superstition was playing by Stevie Wonder- perfect for a girl and her werewolf.

"Yeah, practically the whole school was there at one point or another. We had a nice table, but I was facing Mike Newton who kept staring at me. I had to keep asking Charlie whether I had something stuck in my teeth."

"He wasn't staring at you because you had something stuck in your teeth, Bells." Jacob rolled his eyes, and donned his most mischievous smile. "He was staring at you because I started a rumor that you were pregnant with my looove child." He started laughing. "Joking, joking!"

"Not funny, Jake!" I smacked his arm as hard as I could, but it only hurt my hand. Sometimes it wasn't very satisfying knowing that I could never cause him pain, but mostly I suppose it was a comfort.

"Honestly though, are you blind or do you just not see yourself clearly? Mike Newton kept staring at you for the same reason every guy stares at you." His voice got soft. "You're beautiful, Bella. Even your name says so." It wasn't the first time that something Jacob Black said made me blush. He reached over for my hand- a gesture I hardly noticed anymore except for the warmth.

"So, what should I expect tonight?" I had never really been down to La Push except for during the day- Jacob had always come up to see me after dark.

"Tonight you get to hear the stories, the ones that explain how your boyfriend got to be a werewolf. You know, I've been meaning to ask you, what's it like to have a werewolf for a boyfriend?"

I rolled my eyes, but smiled up at him. "It's the best, you know that. What do you mean 'the stories'? I thought you already told me all about the Quileute."

"Trust me. You don't know Jack." His lopsided smile made me so curious. Maybe I didn't know Jack, but how well did I know Jake? What else was there to his story?

The moon was full and bright as we stepped out of the truck. I mused about how different Jacob looked in the moonlight, his skin catching the blue-glow of the light, such a different creature than during the day. He came around to my side of the truck and slung his arm around my shoulders.

"You know, you're in for a real treat. I think you're the only outsider we've had at a bonfire in forever." He led me over to a stand of trees in the distance. As we walked, I could feel the grass cushioning my steps, I could hear music coming from somewhere in the distance and I could smell smoke long before I could see the fire.

It looked like everyone had come out tonight; young and old. I threw a questioning look at Jacob, who seemed to understand my confusion.

"Well, we couldn't very well tell _Charlie_ the stories now, could we?" Ah. Billy was crafty; I had to give him that.

We sat down on a bench next to Jared and a girl I imagined was about my age, maybe a little older. I realized with a start that this must be Kim, the girl on whom Jared had imprinted. I was intent on studying her face, to see what beauty held Jared's affection, when I felt someone staring at me from across the fire. I looked up to see Paul's eyes, the light of the fire reflected in their dark. I knew Paul's temper, but what had I done this time?

"Um, Jake? Paul…"

"Don't worry about him. The smallest thing sets him off these days. I'll distract him – watch this. Hey, Paul! You want my last hot dog?"

Paul's attention snapped to Jacob, his expression changed just as quickly. "Yeah man! Toss it over!" Jacob tossed Paul the hot dog, poker and all. Paul caught the end of it effortlessly. Was I the only one without coordination?

"So what was that about?" I asked, not sure I wanted to know the answer.

"Um," Jacob hesitated, the blush in his cheeks turning the russet to beautiful rust in the firelight, "See, this whole, bonfire thing, well- it was supposed to happen last week. I sort of begged the elders to postpone it."

"Why on earth would you do that? What happened last week?

"It's not about what happened last week; it's about what happened today. I wanted this to be sort of a…graduation gift. Paul wasn't too happy about it, but it's not your fault. As I said, anything sets him off these days. He's probably already forgotten about it- see? He's already begging Jared for the rest of his potato chips." He was trying to stifle a laugh, probably so as not to attract Paul's attention.

I was still thinking about Jacob's gesture- just like him to find a way around my insistence that he not buy me a graduation present. Maybe I should have been more specific; if anything, this was more generous.

Suddenly all was quiet, and without any cue that I could see, everyone's attention turned towards Billy. He was seated next to Sue, who I thought must have taken Harry's place on the council, and Old Quil. Sam, sitting on Old Quil's right, turned to face the circle, and I realized that there were not three, but four members on the council of elders. Around the fire, the faces of the Quileute sons and daughters were alight in anticipation.

"The Quileutes have been a small people from the beginning," Billy started. I listened to the way his voice swept out over those of us seated, and how it seemed that, if I could follow, it would reach beyond the trees and out over the ocean. I had never heard him speak with such majesty as he did now, though I suppose I realized that his authority had always been there.

I listened, focused on nothing else but Billy's voice, until I was transported into the world he created with his words. I could see the bodies of the spirit warriors on their boats, their wives huddled over their bodies, rocking in prayer that their souls would return safely. I could hear Kaheleha's spirit voice as the wind in the forest, frightening with its ferocity, could see the enemies of the Quileute run in fear and in awe.

When Billy talked of Taha Aki, I couldn't help envisioning a younger, stronger version of Billy himself, standing strong in front of his people. I knew how Taha Aki would have had the same sort of voice, the same sort of look in his eyes, a knowledge and wisdom gathered and shared beyond years, beyond generations. I listened to Utlapa's betrayal and shook in rage and sympathy for Taha Aki's spirit. I saw the wolf, so like my Jacob, so much more than wolf, as he entered the Quileute village. When Taha Aki stood as the embodiment of his spirit, I imagined him glowing like Jacob did in the Florida sun, but also different – as if lit from within.

Billy's story ended and I became aware of the audience beside me for the first time since he began.

"That was the story of the spirit warriors," Old Quil started, his voice thinner than Billy's, surely an echo of what it would have been decades ago. "This is the story of the third wife's sacrifice."

Once again I found myself transported. I knew the terror of unexplained disappearances, and shivered as I guessed the reason behind them. I saw Taha Aki's sons and thought they looked very much like Sam's pack, watched them track through the woods following a burning sweet smell, a smell that would seem so different to me, almost like honeysuckle and lilacs. I felt an ache in my chest as I saw Taha Aki's mourning for his lost sons.

Old Quil continued the story that was so familiar in its characters, both horrifying and comforting, until Taha Aki's third wife strode out to meet her death to save her husband and remaining sons. I was fixated on her face; what would she look like? Would she have had fear in her eyes, or would her determination to save the loves in her life burn brightly in them, chasing away all trace of fear?

I couldn't tell at what point the stories became dreams, but my perspective had shifted. I was no longer looking at the third wife's eyes- I was looking through them as I raised a silver dagger, ancient and ornate. As I steadied my hand, the point aimed at my chest, my eyes flew open.

"Hey sleepy head," Jacob was elbowing me in the ribs. Apparently he still didn't know his own strength. "Was it _that _boring?"

"Oh! No! I mean, wow, I had no idea. The stories, they were…_amazing_. I can see why you didn't believe them before though," I yawned -what time was it? "All that magic,"

"Yeah, well, it's all true apparently. Walk with me?"

He pulled me up by my elbows and led me away from the circle where everyone was still talking.

"How long do these things go on?"

"Oh, early morning I guess. It's only just about midnight now."

"Billy's going to be tired tomorrow – Charlie's coming to pick up at 4!" I laughed. "Serves him right though I suppose."

"Yeah," Jacob chuckled nervously. "Um, Bella, don't be mad at me."

"Why, what happened?"

"It's just, I have a small present for you, you know, for graduation."

I rolled my eyes at him. "Jacob, I thought we went over this. I didn't want you to spend any money on me!"

"Oh, I didn't – it's just something I made."

He handed me a small woven pouch that I turned over in my hands. "It's beautiful, Jake."

Now he was rolling his eyes at me. "The present is inside, Bella."

I reached my fingers in the bag and pulled out a bracelet. It was intricately woven in a beautiful pattern, and on one side a small charm was attached in the shape of a wolf.

"You _made_ this?" I couldn't take my eyes off of the tiny wolf – almost exactly the color of Jacob's coat when he changed.

"Yep. Old Quil showed me how to make the knots and Billy taught me how to carve the figurine. His are much better, but I worked for hours on this one." Jacob was beaming. "Let me put it on you." I reached out my hand for him.

"So, this bracelet," he said, biting his lip, "it sort of comes with a promise." He looked up at my eyes and got down on one knee. "I'm not saying let's do anything right away, I know we're both too young, but I do know that I will never want anyone else but you, Bella. Someday -I want you to marry me."

What could I say, but yes?


	8. Chapter 8 Scents and Sensibilities

**Chapter 8 – Scents and Sensibilities**

"I can't figure out what she's doing. It's like she's trying to see if there are any holes in our defense. Too bad for her there aren't any." Paul chuckled as he shoved the better part of a turkey sandwich into his mouth. Half of a tomato fell out and landed on the table.

"She's getting closer though. We can't afford to be too confident." Sam cautioned, looking sternly over to Paul.

I sat staring at the sandwich on the small, blue paper plate in front of me. How could any of them be hungry at times like these? With all of their running, I suppose they were always hungry. Victoria had resurfaced a few months ago and had been getting closer over the past few weeks. Jacob had started insisting that I spend most of my time down in La Push under the protection of the pack. I didn't mind, but I wished he were sitting next to me instead of running patrol with Embry and Jared.

Emily was nice enough to make us lunch every day, but I knew that she and Sam didn't have much, so I started bringing food down with me. Today, my contributions were the chips and cookies that the boys were devouring in handfuls between bites of sandwich. I pushed the chips around on my plate and put one my mouth.

"I'm going to go keep Seth company," I said as I swallowed the chip. Seth was acting as our "cell phone", listening to Jacob and Embry as they searched the woods. I sat down beside him and laid my head on his side, breathing in the muskiness of his fur. He turned to look at me, and his mouth opened revealing a flopping tongue. I took that to mean "everything's ok."

We sat, staring into the woods away from the house for what seemed like an hour, when Seth started to whine.

"Is everything okay, Seth?"

He cocked his head to one side as if unsure, and then ran into the house.

By the time I was able to get up and into the house, Seth was already sitting at the table fastening the top of his jeans.

"Everyone's ok, but Jacob and Embry ran across something they think you should see...um, hear…no, smell, I guess." Seth seemed confused as to how to describe it. "Just go wolf. You'll see. I'll stay here with Bella." He winked in my direction, but his face was flat.

When everyone was outside, Emily finally sat down. She had been busying herself over the sink for the better part of the day.

"What's going on, Seth?" She said, her face full of concern.

"Jacob and Embry came across a scent in the woods, vampire, but we didn't recognize it."

Of course, I thought, the others would have to phase to share the sensation of the smell. I marveled at how calmly I was able to accept Seth's news.

"Everyone's fine, Emily. " Seth was trying to reassure her while she was tearing the paper plate in front of her into ever-smaller pieces. "The scent was at least a day old. They were just following it to see where it ended up."

By the time everyone came back inside, Emily had torn up two paper plates and a napkin, the shreds of which sat in a small pile in front of her. I guess no matter how confident the boys were, no matter how strong, we would always worry about them.

Sam was the first to speak. "Jacob and Embry followed the scent for miles." He inhaled sharply. "It looks like whoever was here met up with Victoria near Seattle. We may be looking at seven against two."

Jared continued; "They're still outnumbered, but we don't know anything about the new bloodsucker. For now, three of us will keep watch at a time. We need a plan though; we can't keep this up forever."

"No. We can't." Sam looked over to Emily, then to the pile of paper in front of her, then to Jared and Paul. "We have to lure them here and make them play on _our_ terms." Emily winced at Sam's use of the word _play_, but there was no hint of smile on Sam's face. He knew how serious this was. "I'm calling Jacob and Embry back. Victoria and her…partner…are out of the way for the moment. We need to plan."

Sam glanced once in Emily's direction, and spun around to run out of the door. After watching him leave, Emily turned to look at me.

"Bella, are you ok? You're even more white than usual…" Emily's mouth was twisted in concern.

Well, I _thought_ I had been taking the news well. I managed a shrug. Good; shrugging was noncommittal and non verbal. I didn't want to chance opening my mouth; I had only eaten the one chip, but no one wanted to see it resurface.

"I'll make you some tea. It always helps when I'm… well, it helps." I made a mental note to thank her when I felt comfortable opening my mouth again.

The kettle was whistling as the boys filed in. Emily picked out a white mug decorated with red flowers, filled it with the steaming water, and brought it to me along with a small wooden box. She set both down in front of me and pushed a bowl of sugar my way.

"There's chamomile in there," she indicated the wooden box, "or sage tea, either one is good. Be sure to put some sugar in there. It helps too, you know, with the shock."

I reflected on how uniquely lucky I was to have someone who understood, who knew the whole story, who sympathized. She had been through this before. I traced the carving on the outside of the wooden tea box with my fingers while I waited for the tea to cool.

"They're definitely together." I recognized Jacob's voice. He saw my face and came over to sit down beside me. "We caught their scents together again about 10 miles north east of here."

"I wonder what she needs the company for. Do you think she got lonely?" Seth asked.

"No, stupid, I'm sure she got a good look at all of us the last time our paths crossed." Paul was shaking with rage. I remembered the night he told me about losing a piece of his shoulder. "She wanted to even the odds." Paul was growling now.

"Well, whatever the reason, if they're together, we have to act soon. We have to lure them in." Sam had taken his place next to Emily and was stroking her hand under the table. He raised his head to look at Jacob, his eyes looked apologetic. I didn't need to be a mind reader to know what he was thinking.

Jacob stood, fists formed by his sides. "NO!"

"What gives, Jake?" Embry piped up for the first time.

Jacob closed his eyes and clenched his jaw as he managed to spit out his response.

"He wants to use her as _bait_."


	9. Chapter 9 The Third Wife

**A/N : A reminder; I do not own Twilight, but am grateful to Stephenie Meyer for having created characters that are so fun to play with. **

**Chapter 9** - **The Third Wife**

_Breathe in, two…three…four…and out, two…three...four_

I repeated this cycle from last year's yoga class in my head over and over again, trying to calm my racing heart. I tried all of the tricks we had learned while preparing for finals week: visualize a calm space, repeat a positive mantra, and gently massage your temples in a circular motion. I kept breathing in deeply, but the air around me felt like it didn't contain enough oxygen. My heart refused to cease it's spasming.

"Bella, relax." What did Seth _think _I was trying to do? "They have it under control. I'm sure Jacob's idea will work."

It _had_ to. Sam and Jacob had almost traded blows over the idea of using me as bait. I was willing to go: whatever made it easier for the fight to be over, I was wiling to do. Even if that meant that I might not make it, though I'm not sure I had fully thought through what that would mean. In the end, Jacob asked Sam the one thing that he knew would sway him.

"Would you let Emily do it if Victoria were after her?"

Sam had hung his head; Jacob already knew the answer. They had to do something, though, and it was Jacob who came up with the plan. I had to admit, it was straightforward enough to work. If Victoria was after me she was probably tracking my scent since she had no additional offensive abilities. All I had to do, Jacob said, was to find a bunch of stuff with my scent on it: my sheets, my pillow, some clothes, and whatever else I could think of. I would lay a trail for Victoria to follow, but instead of waiting for her as Sam suggested, I would leave the pile of my stuff where the wolves would have the best chance of winning a fight.

It would be no good to leave the pile out in the open; Victoria, with her superhuman eyesight, would be able to see the ruse long before she arrived. I felt a little shot of pride that I was able to find a potential way around that snag.

"It's cold, wet, and windy out." I had said plainly.

"And…"Jacob clearly wasn't able to see where I was going with this.

"Well, a human wouldn't just be standing _outside_ in those conditions, right? We can just pretend I went camping. I was lulled into a false sense of security because she hadn't been here in a while, so I just…went camping. You know, tent and all."

Jacob laughed, presumably at the thought of me camping. Quil and Seth had looked impressed, but Sam just nodded.

"Alright. I'll borrow a tent from Old Quil. He doesn't use his anymore. Jacob, you go with Bella to her house and dig up everything you can that smells like her," Sam certainly didn't waste time. Jacob smiled, and I could only guess that he was thrilled at the idea of having to smell everything in my room. Then Sam went on. "We do this tonight."

Tonight? So soon? I had been thinking maybe next week, or even the following one. But I knew Sam was right. Conditions were perfect now and the pack was ready now. The only questions were: would Victoria be around to smell the trail, and would she take the bait?

Seth's nudge brought me back to the present. "I'm gonna go listen in. Will you be okay for a couple of minutes?" I nodded. Seth was once again relegated to baby-sitting duty. I suspect he was none too pleased about it, though he wouldn't let me know.

I hugged my knees and stared vacantly at the television as Seth left through the door. Two women were selling a watch on a home shopping channel, but the volume was turned all the way down. The only sounds I could hear were the beating of my heart and the ticking of the clock on the wall, a sound that had always kept Emily and me company when we were left alone. They provided a nice contrast; one was a steady and soft ticking, the other an erratic drumming.

I looked up at the clock. 1:00 am. It had been four hours since we set up the tent in a clearing about ten miles from Emily and Sam's house, and we hadn't heard anything yet. Seth was supposed to change when he heard howling, but I suppose his anxiety was too much.

_Breathe in, tick…tock…tick, breathe out…tock…tick…tock, breathe in…_

So soft and far away that I wasn't sure I could even hear it, someone howled. I knew my part; I wasn't to open the door, I wasn't to move. I was to stay where I was unless Seth told me we needed to go. Frozen on the couch, I fixated my eyes on the open door. A very furry Seth walked through the door and I exhaled the breath I had been holding.

Times like these were maddening. Seth, I knew, could understand me, but couldn't respond with more than a yes or no. If he were to phase back so as to respond in more detail, he would lose the connection to the pack.

"Is everyone ok?"

Nod.

"Is she there?"

Seth cocked his head to one side.

"Is she…almost there?"

Seth hesitated, and then nodded. I could feel my pulse accelerating and my limbs shaking. If my heart was limited to a finite number of beats, I was running through them awful quickly. We would know soon if the plan was going to work. Seth jerked his head and left through the door. I presumed he wanted me to follow.

He sat down on the claw-marked front steps of the porch, and I plopped down with him, waiting. Without warning, Seth jumped up and bared his teeth. A growl erupted from his teeth as I heard, definitely heard this time, howling in the distance. I raced to stand by Seth's side; it was starting.

I couldn't get an actual blow-by-blow report from Seth, but I gathered what was happening by his reactions. When he jumped to put his front paws in the air, I guessed that someone had successfully dealt a blow. When he winced, I guessed that someone was hit. None of his reactions seemed too drastic, and I knew that the wolves were resilient, so I didn't worry. At least, not too much.

There was almost nothing left of my nails to bite when suddenly, Seth raced forward a few steps and started jumping and barking like mad at the woods. I knew something was happening, but couldn't interpret his reaction. I felt helpless and helplessly in the dark. My friends were fighting to save my life, and all I could do was sit and wait in hiding.

Out of the corner of my eye, a flash of metal caught my attention, and a plan formed in my mind. I knew I had only seconds to act, and I had to make them all count. Turning on my heel, I ran in leaping bounds to the motorcycle on which Jacob had driven me to Sam and Emily's earlier in the evening, its handlebars reflecting the light thrown from Sam's porch. I took a running jump into the seat as I grabbed for the key Jacob had left with me for safe keeping. By some miracle, I was able to start the engine on the first try and pull out of the driveway before Seth could react, the wheels painting the ground behind me with splattered mud as I drove.

It was time for me to intervene.

The rain blinded me without my helmet and glasses Jacob had recently started insisting upon, but I knew this stretch of road so well I hardly needed my sight. As the forest flew by me on either side, I realized a flaw in my plan: something without which I couldn't hope to accomplish anything and something I couldn't have prepared in advance without Seth finding out. Over the roar of the motorcycle beneath me, I heard something clinking. I looked down at the twisted piece of metal that had come loose from the chassis. It would do nicely.

By the time I got to within what I thought would be running distance of the clearing and still out of earshot, I couldn't take any more of the rain in my face. I let the motorcycle fall to the ground as I leapt off of it, and turned around to kick the broken piece of metal off with my boots – steel toed; a gift from Jacob, a joke really, poking fun at my tendency to trip. How he would kick himself if he knew what I was using them for now.

Metal piece in hand, I ran towards the clearing, stumbling over wet leaves and twisted roots, all the while the howls becoming louder. As I approached the edge of the trees, a new sound was added to the mix; the horrible sound of metal scraping against rock. I winced. I had heard that noise before- in the ballet studio, though I had been barely conscious at the time. Hoping that the rain would mask my scent, I peered out from behind a tree.

The yellow tent that Sam had borrowed from Old Quil lay in shreds in the middle of the clearing, my clothes and sheets strewn on the wet grass. I suppose the trap had worked on both vampires; two fights were happening side by side.

Victoria's hair was immediately recognizable, fire burning even through the rain across the clearing. She was fighting off four of the wolves at once, though I couldn't see which ones from so far away. Every lunge they made was evaded, every swipe, parried. None of them looked hurt, though they were thrown several feet in the air every time they attempted an attack. Her speed made her a pale blur.

A few feet away, the two wolves left were fighting a vampire that I didn't recognize. He must have been the source of the scent Jacob and Embry picked up in the woods. He was visibly less skilled than Victoria, but seemed more powerful. The few blows that this immortal was able to land threw the wolves farther out than I would have thought possible. Finally, one of the smaller wolves caught the mystery vampire's arm in his teeth and with a loud grinding noise, tore it off, tossing it to where I hid. It twitched horribly on the wet grass.

The vampire screamed out in pain and the sound rang out through the woods. Momentarily dazed by his success, the gray wolf stepped back and looked over to where the vampires severed arm lay. Embry. I couldn't be sure whether he saw me, but I inched back towards the shadows just in case. The immortal took advantage of Embry's distractedness, grabbing one of his legs to draw him closer.

As I watched, I realized that the unknown vampire was gaining the upper hand. Victoria's skill required the concentration of four of the largest wolves, and the smaller two battling the other vampire weren't going to be enough. Embry struggled against the vampire's strength, howling in pain as the other wolf tried to get a hold on the vampire from behind.

I couldn't bear it anymore, couldn't bear anyone to suffer because of me any more. Without thinking, I stepped out from behind the tree and marched into the field. My boots squelched as the mud pulled on them, resisting every step forward.

"Hey!" I managed to shout through my chattering teeth. Nine heads turned towards me- two of them looked hungry. With all of my concentration, I set my face into the expression I had imagined on the face of the third wife – noble and fierce. It's likely my face showed more fear than anything close to her determined resolve. The piece of metal in my hand was likewise no where near the beautiful and ancient dagger I once held in a dream, but it was sharp. The edges cut into my fist as I held my makeshift knife in the air.

"Riley, no!" I could hear Victoria's impossibly high and delicate voice commanding her partner. But he was already striding towards me, his grip on Embry's legs forgotten. The two wolves quickly jumped on his back. The next thing I saw from his direction was flying pieces of pale skin.

Victoria was still battling four at a time, equal to their attacks, while Riley was being dismembered. Seeing the effect the small amount of blood from my hand on Riley, I knew I might have a chance of distracting Victoria and ending the fight. I placed the tip of the metal against the crook of my elbow, next to the scar I had received earlier in the year from broken glass. Pressing down, I felt the skin break and could just smell salt and rust seeping through the smell of the rain as I dragged the tip across my skin.

I barely had time to register everything that happened next: something large and furry knocking into my side and pinning me to the ground with its wet nose in my face; Victoria running towards me, her eyes black over half-moon bruises, screaming as all four wolves sank their teeth into her; a bonfire erupting in sickly sweet smoke from where Riley was fighting just minutes ago. My lungs burned with the smoke that had started drifting in my direction as I gasped for air in ever sharper intakes. Bright sparks appeared in my vision, and then everything went black.

My first reaction upon waking was that I couldn't breathe. Jacob's arms were around me tight as he rocked me back and forth. His cheek was pressed against my head as he crooned "Bella, it's ok, it's over… it's over… it's ok, you're gonna be ok…"

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	10. Chapter 10 Five Years Later

**A/N: As a reminder, I do not own Twilight, but I am very grateful to Stephenie Meyer for having created characters that are so fun to play with.**

***NEW STORY* A one-shot from Sam Uley's perspective. Look for "Only a Broken Heart can Heal"!**

**Please R&R!**

**Chapter 10 – Five years later**

The rain made it almost impossible to see out of the windshield as I drove home from the hospital. I would have to talk to Jake about installing new wipers on the 240DL he had built for me; the ones that I was using now kept smearing the glass with dirt kicked up from the car in front of me. It took all of my effort to concentrate on the road- a thousand thoughts were competing for my attention, but I knew that I had to make it home safely.

As I pulled into our driveway, Jacob ran out in the rain to meet me. He was carrying an umbrella; a comfort we had around for my benefit that he would never need. The man didn't even wear a shirt, and it must have been no more than 45 degrees out.

"Well?" he said, sucking in a breath and holding it.

I blushed and looked down to the hand I held to my stomach. There was barely anything there yet, but I knew that would change in short time. "Congratulations, daddy," I managed after a while. Jacob stood frozen, staring at my belly in awe. His expression was so soft, his eyes wide, his mouth parted as if to speak a prayer.

"I KNEW it!" he shouted suddenly, his happiness rolling off of him in waves. He threw his hands up and started whooping and dancing around, laughing.

"Hey! I hate to interrupt you, but the mother of your unborn child is getting cold and wet here!"

"Oh, sorry!" He said as he ran back to the car. He held me to his side with one arm around my shoulders and the other hand on the umbrella. "_Daddy," _he whispered to himself.

"I know," I couldn't help but be overcome with happiness, too. "But I'm only 5 weeks, so let's keep this to ourselves, ok?"

"Sure, sure. So have you thought of names?"

Only every minute of every day since I realized the possibility that I might be pregnant. "I was thinking, if it's a boy, E.J., you know, for Ephraim Jacob." Or for Edward Jacob, but I didn't need to tell him that. "Or if it's a girl, combining our mothers' names, Renee and Sarah...Renah. It means joyful"

Jacob beamed and leaned down towards my stomach. "Hey little E.J., or Renah, whoever you are."

Over the next few months, as I my stomach started to stretch out my jeans, our routine was always the same. Jacob and I would come home from work together, I would make dinner, and afterwards we would sit on the couch while he told all of the Quileute stories to my abdomen.

We were sitting on the couch like every other evening when Jacob stopped mid-story. "Maybe I just won't go. I'll stay here with you instead."

"Like hell you will. Those kids are counting on you, Jake! You've been planning this field trip for _how _many weeks now? It's just a few days, I'm staying with Charlie, you have the cell phone, and there hasn't been a vampire anywhere _near_ Forks in over 5 years. Everything will be fine. Besides, Olympia isn't that far away."

"There are other ways the kids can learn about the tides than by visiting the Puget Sound. Last year, Mr. Hoke just took the class to First Beach. We could do that again! I don't want to leave you. I can't bear to."

"You're going on this trip, Jake, and when you get back you can help me pick out colors for the nursery." I didn't want him to leave me any more than he wanted to go, but I wasn't about to let him miss out on taking his science class on the one field trip they get, especially since it was his first year teaching.

"I'll call every day - twice." He bent down and kissed me. I took in his warm scent that always wrapped around me like the forest.

"I know."

"I love you."

"I love you to. Hurry back to me."

Without another word, he picked me up in his giant arms and carried me off to bed.

The next morning, I followed him to the door and watched him pull away through the rain that came down in sheets. When I could no longer see his car, I turned to go back inside the house, stopping for a moment, as I always did, by the picture of us from our wedding. It amazed me that my husband finally looked his age, but it startled me to see how much I've changed over the past five years. Jacob's face was now virtually indistinguishable from his yearbook photo. Though for the time being we were even, I wondered with a sigh when I would appear too old for him.

I had had this discussion with Emily, Kim, and Leah – Claire being still too young to understand. None of them seemed to mind that their husbands weren't aging, that one day, when and if they stop changing, they will seem so much younger. My mind flitted back to the porch swing in front of Sue Clearwater's house on the day of Harry's funeral. Had I gotten it wrong? Would Jacob be the one left behind, stuck in time, unable to follow me when I left him for the last time? At least in that case I would never have to live a day without him. Maybe that's what set the other women at ease.

Four days. I sighed again. We'd never been apart for so much as a few hours and then only because his duties as a teacher prohibited me from wrapping my body around his on a whim. I paced, not knowing what to do with myself. At least tomorrow I could go back to my volunteer work in the nurse's office at the school, but I had taken today off for the doctor's appointment I had in the afternoon.

I walked down the hallway to our bedroom, looking at the pictures we kept of our family. The pictures of Jacob and me as attendants in three different weddings, the one of Charlie in a tux at ours, Renee and Phil on the beach in Florida, Billy holding up the 3 foot bass he always claimed in later stories was 4 feet; each one was a comfort to me. Here were the faces of everyone I had ever loved.

Almost.

The small ache in my chest surfaced for the first time in several years. I walked into my room and over to my dresser, pulled out one of the drawers, and reached inside to the back. There, taped to the wood, was an envelope I rarely looked at, though I could no more throw it out than cut off my own arm. I took a deep breath as I opened it to reveal its contents.

There he was. Exactly the same as he had looked five years ago when he left. Exactly the same as I knew he would look now – eyes smoldering, his features carved of marble, his smile impossibly soft, his body, as Paris', made of wax. I sat down on the edge of my bed facing the mirror over the dresser and looked at my face, at my body. Again, as a thousand times before, I wondered if I were the only one changing.

My eyes fell to the small gold-framed picture standing in front of the mirror: my Jacob, smiling up at me. It was a picture taken the night he proposed. Well, the night he gave me my ring anyways; I suppose he proposed to me long before then, on the night of my graduation. My refusal to let go of Edward wasn't fair to him, and I knew it. I was still holding on, whether out of guilt, selfishness, or habit, and it was time I let go.

I grabbed my raincoat and headed outside. As I sat down in my car, I realized I had no idea how I was going to do this, nor where. For almost an hour I sat, listening to the sound that the rain made on the roof of the car.

"Rats." I said out loud. All of this rain was going to drown the basil I had planted last week- and I was hoping to have a nice herb garden this summer.

_Drown_. I knew where to go. I threw the car into reverse, made my way down the long and winding path from our house, and then jammed the transmission all the way into second gear as I turned onto the street that would take me to the last place I heard his voice.

The rain stopped just as I pulled up to the cliff. I walked carefully, making my way close to the edge, though not quite as close as I had gotten last time. Looking out over the ocean, smelling the salt, I wondered how my life would be different had Edwards stayed. Surely I wouldn't have stayed human for long – I would have wanted to be frozen with him forever. I looked down at my stomach, so glad I chose this path; this miracle wouldn't have been possible in that universe.

I let my eyes drift towards the water and the crashing waves below, watched them come in from impossibly far away out on the horizon. The sky was still dark gray from the morning's storm, and for a long time I stood watching the clouds drift out to sea.

"Goodbye." The words came out flat. I let them hang in the air for a moment, pretending the clouds were carrying the words away with them. It wasn't long before I realized it wasn't enough. This was the last place I heard _him_, but for some reason, there was more to my ache.

Alice. Oh, Alice. Of course, I missed her so much, and Esme and Carlisle, Emmet, Jasper, even Rosalie. They had all at one point been like family. I had to let them go too, and there was only one place I knew I could do that. I hurried back to the car, tripping over branches and rocks as I went, scraping up my hands and knees.

As I jumped into the car, I prayed that four days would be enough for the scrapes to heal over. Jacob wouldn't be too happy if he saw them, especially now that I was walking for two. I prayed that Charlie wasn't out in his cruiser and wouldn't see me speeding down the roads. I prayed that no one would recognize me driving this recklessly and report back to Jacob. Then I prayed that I would remember where in the woods I needed to turn.

I needn't have worried. My hands remembered what my brain couldn't, and soon I was pulling up to the big white house in the middle of the woods. There, in the driveway, was a small moving truck. It was too small to hold everything that someone moving into the large house would bring. Slowly, I got out of the car and made my way to the back of the truck where two men were lifting something large and clumsy into the truck. Under the blanket that was covering it I recognized the legs of the table that used to sit in the Cullen's seldom-used dining room.

"Hey, what are you guys doing?" I tried to yell, but the words got stuck in my mouth. I turned to look into the house through all of the glass, and was shocked into silence by what I saw

Alice- her face frozen, her eyes wide, her mouth perfectly formed into a tiny "o".

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	11. Chapter 11 Failing

_**A/N: Just as Breaking Dawn is divided into Bella and Jacob's POV, I thought it would be fitting to tell the next part of the story from Edward's POV. Also , as a reminder, I do not own Twilight. **_

_**Edward**_

**Chapter 11 – Failing**

The bar stool I sat on made a high pitched squeak every time I rotated in place. It may have been out of the range of human hearing, I wouldn't know- no one was looking in my direction, and everyone's thoughts were intently focused on the many televisions screens on the wall. I stared off into space with my eyes focused close enough to the television so that everyone around me assumed I was as engrossed as they. I couldn't help but hear the words on the broadcast echoed a hundred times through the heads of everyone in the bar.

"…no comment, but officials assure us that they will keep the area roped off until further notice. For those of you just joining us, we are bringing you live coverage of the latest in a string of grizzly murders in the metro area…"

I couldn't help but hear, but tried my hardest to ignore. I focused instead on the sound of one heartbeat that I had singled out from the rest. I imagined its soft thumping keeping me alive, beating in my chest in place of the cold, dead heart that was entombed there. This had become a habit, an addiction of mine, finding a thrumming heart to attach myself to. Blissfully close to the tortuous beating of a human heart, a woman's heart, as punishment and penance for my sins. Or was it tortuously close to the blissful beating?

Today the heart I had chosen belonged to a woman of 23, roughly the same age Bella would be by now. The comparisons I always made were, today, venomous spikes through me – her soft brown hair in loose curls, her eyes almost chocolate, her lips too small, her hips too wide – though what did I know anymore about the last observation.

Even if I hadn't known today's date, I would have known its significance, could have told anyone how many days had passed since I left Bella in the woods. Five years. Compared to my lifetime – I mentally corrected myself - existence, barely a second; In terms of my suffering, an eternity. Every day I suffered, would continue to suffer, to pay for what I did.

Sometimes, as I focused on the soft and wet sounds of a nearby heart, I would imagine that Bella had moved on. This thought, as every thought, was bittersweet. With every beat I heard, I wished for her happiness; and yet, in between beats, the spectrum of my emotions was wild. If she is truly happy now, how could she ever have been happy with me? What would I give up in order to become human? If she were miserable, could I forgive myself?

Somewhere in between a million thoughts, the phone in my pocket vibrated. I had forgotten that I still had one; how did it still have a charge?

"Hello?" Was that my voice? How long had it been since I had spoken aloud?

"Edward! I'm so glad you still have this number! Your batteries are about to run out so call me right back, ok?"

Alice. She spoke so fast- it was so different from the human pace I had been solely surrounded by for years now. She gave me the number to call her back and hung up. Not a second later, the display of the phone went dead. I was up off of my seat and out of the bar before anyone had a chance to notice I had moved. Very human-like, very inconspicuous, I berated myself sarcastically.

Back in my hotel room, I dialed Alice. While I waited for her to pick up, I traced the damask pattern on the threadbare curtains hanging over the windows. So like the ones that hung in the windows of my parents' house. Odd that this detail should surface from among the muddy human memories I was left with.

"Took you long enough," she answered abruptly. "Look, I'm having a party for Carlisle and Esme- it's their 90th anniversary. Before you say 'no,' I've already seen you there so give it up already. It's this Saturday- you're going to miss the first flight out, but there's another one at 11:00, so I'll pick you up at the airport when you land. Oh, and she would _love_ the blue one – it would go perfectly with Rosalie's gift."

There was a considerable silence on the phone as I contemplated how to tell Alice to go to hell.

"We all miss you, Edward. Please, for me."

Another silence. What blue one?

"Yay! I knew I was right – that'll show Jasper. See you soon!" _click._

_Though why anyone would bet against Alice…_My own words came back to haunt me.

With no luggage to my name, leaving was as simple, or as complicated, as handing my key to the concierge. The woman standing at the front desk took my key card hesitantly, never taking her eyes off of my face. Was it fear in her eyes, or something else?

_Where are his parents? Or is he older than he looks? He _seems_ older than he looks… what does that even mean…he looks hungry, I wonder if he doesn't know we have a complimentary brunch starting at 8...I guess he is older than he looks. His ID says he's older than he looks…_

Not fear then. Curiosity, disbelief perhaps, but then, everyone I showed my identification to when it was necessary suffered the same. Hotel concierge, bartenders, bouncers, little did any of them know I could be their grandparent's parents. Little did any of them know I should have died over one hundred years ago. Little would any of them care; my face said one thing, my ID another. I exuded confidence, and they believed what I wanted them to believe.

The need for human pretenses dictated that I take a taxi to the airport, and the need to take a taxi meant that any traffic would delay my arrival. No need to worry, I suppose; Alice saw me missing the 11:00 already. Her prophecy manifested itself in a jackknifed truck on a two lane road. I busied myself counting raindrops on the car window to avoid thinking about the reunion with my family.

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	12. Chapter 12 Echoes

**A/N: I do not own Twilight…**

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**Chapter 12 – Echoes**

I breathed in deep as the outside air flooded the cabin of the airplane. Tainted as it was with the smell of exhaust, tarmac, and a hundred sweaty workers from the runway, it was infinitely preferable to the stale, recycled air I had been smelling for the past five hours. The gentleman sitting in the seat between me and the aisle had yet to awaken from his nap, and I was torn between waking him and letting him sleep for a few more moments so that I could share the rest of his dream.

Mortals always amazed me. How, in such the short time they are given, could they cultivate such strong emotions for one another? His dream was of a woman, at once young yet somehow aged, with whom he was very much in love. It was such a simple dream; he was holding her hand as they sat on a porch, but it was colored with so much emotion, such tenderness, that I couldn't resist indulging. His thoughts were a welcome break from my own.

The flight attendant made the decision for me, and woke him just as the last remaining passengers were stepping off of the plane. He gathered his belongings and walked out into the light, and I followed close behind. His thoughts lingered on his dream.

_I miss her._

Ah, so that explains the woman's mysterious agelessness. His wife, gone less than a year, had died of cancer. He was remembering her as she looked when they met and when they parted. Dreams are funny that way, I supposed. I barely remembered dreaming anymore, and only knew about their phantasmagoric nature from eavesdropping.

Unable to bear the sadness that had now replaced the sweetness of the earlier dream, I allowed myself some distance from the man, and stopped in front of a jewelry store. It wasn't any of the baubles inside that caught my attention, but rather two very attractive glass vases in the window – one was red and orange, the other was shades of blue.

"Alice," I grumbled as I entered the store to purchase the gift she had foreseen.

As I handed the vase to the gentleman behind the counter along with my credit card, he raised his eyebrows. "Is there anything else I could interest you in, sir?"_ Who _is _this guy? With that Centurion card, this guy could finally help me earn enough commission to quit this job and go back to school. _ "We have a lovely selection of diamond jewelry- I'm sure the girl who has your heart is truly a gem herself who deserves to see her face reflected in the many flawless facets of one of our Amaranth cut diamonds." _God I hope that card isn't stolen. I bet it's not though, he looks like royalty, maybe he's part of the British Royal Family. He probably even has a cool accent. _

I kept my face perfectly steady as I winced internally. The girl who had my heart indeed deserved diamonds, but she would never accept one, least of all from me. Something for Alice, then, or Rosalie, to thank them for leaving me alone these past few years.

I looked at his badge. "Sure, um, Brian, could you show me your necklaces?"

_Huh, an American. Still, he does sound upper-crust. _

It's curious, but as I thought about it, I really wanted to help this man. Perhaps part of me felt that I could do something good, something like Carlisle's medical service, to atone for my nature. Part of me, however, knew that no amount of charity could counter what I had done to the girl who held my heart, the one the salesman had divined.

I left the store with my arms loaded; it was a good thing I had brought no luggage. In addition to the vase, I bought Esme a diamond pendant, a solitaire chocker for Alice, a pair of diamond studs for Rosalie, platinum cufflinks for Carlisle, and matching platinum and diamond chip money clips for Jasper and Emmett. All told, I was sure that the commission was more than enough for the salesman's first semester of college.

Feeling better about myself, I passed through the airport mall and out into the baggage claim area almost oblivious to the thoughts around me. That is, until I heard someone shouting my name.

_Edward. Over here._

Jasper. I hadn't anticipated he would be the one to pick me up; I had assumed it would be Alice.

_Hey! Glad to see you, man. We missed you, Esme especially. _

He was leaning nonchalantly against a post next to the doors with his foot up for support. I was impressed. Normally, Alice would never have left Jasper alone in a place like this. With so many people coming and going, all of them focused on themselves, no one would be missed until it was too late. He had come a long way in a very short time. I didn't even sense any discomfort. As he saw my face and took in my emotions, he guessed what I was thinking.

_She changed all of us, you know. I changed that night too._

Oh.

Her.

Jasper's thoughts flashed to Alice and then quickly back to the present. What had she been saying to him? I couldn't catch all of it, but it sounded like she was insisting that Jasper be the one to pick me up from the airport because she couldn't. She probably didn't have time. If this party was going to be anything like parties she had thrown in the past, she would need every moment between the announcement and the event to plan and decorate. That was no surprise.

What confused me was Jaspers connection of that though to the memory of Bella. I was sure his thoughts would be of the night the Cullens decided to leave Forks, of his "slipup". Oh well, Alice did dominate his thoughts most of the time.

"Shall we?" Jasper motioned to the door. Outside waiting for us was my old Vanquish. "Hope you don't mind. I figured if I'm out running errands, I might as well enjoy it. Nothing runs like this baby. Of course, if you're here to stay, she's still all yours, you know."

Was he trying to remind me of what I left behind? It that was so, how could he think a car would compare to the heartache? We climbed in and Jasper started the engine. The familiar purring soothed me unexpectedly. Like a lover sighing against my chest.

I scowled. Must everything remind me of her? The man's dreams on the plane, Brian's suggestion of a lover, Jasper's mood changes, even my car. She haunted me still.

As we pulled away, I could see the salesman erupting from the airport's doors with a triumphant look on his face. He must have really meant it when he thought about quitting. My eyes met his eyes as they spied me in the front seat of the Vanquish, and I just caught his thoughts as we drove off.

_Aston Martin. Probably a blond bombshell driving. Figures. _


	13. Chapter 13 Secrets

**A/N**: PLEASE review... I do love hearing your thoughts on my writing; style, character, and plot :) As ever, I do not own Twilight, but am grateful for the opportunity to play with the ideas therein.

**Chapter 13 - Secrets**

I had seen the house in Jasper's thoughts, but as we drove up to the garage, I was struck by the similarities to the house we had left behind in Forks. Here in Ithaca, set in the eastern forest of New York, Esme had evidently set out to recreate the architecture of our most recent home. This was new; Esme had always gone out of her way to create a new bungalow for the family. Sure, all of them had common elements: lots of light, personal space for each couple, and set far away from neighbors, but each had a different feel. This felt almost exactly like the home I had left years ago.

Before the garage door could close all the way, I was already upstairs with all of the bags from the jewelers. The great room was empty except for the piano and a stack of cardboard boxes with labels like "living room", "den", and "media room". They must be preparing to move, I thought. I wasn't surprised; they had been here for five years, and while Carlisle pretended to be 30 when he started a job, there was no way that he could pass for late 30's.

I pulled out the piano bench and sat, staring at the piano keys. I felt their ivory smoothness with my fingers and thought of how my skin must have felt to… to Bella. I forced myself to think of her; if I was going to be back here with my family then there would be no way to avoid the memories any longer. I applied more pressure and sounded a middle C, then pulled my fingers away. After a few more minutes of contemplation, I decided that the best way to let Esme know that I was home would be to play her song.

As soon as I had finished the first measure, she was behind me with her hands on my shoulders. I continued to play.

"You're home." Her voice was so full of relief and sorrow. _I have missed you so much. We all have. Have you decided to stay?_ _I hope so, I really hope so. _"I'm sorry. I couldn't help but think that. You know that I will respect your decision, whatever it is. It's just so good to see you."

I turned to face her.

"My God, Edward, when was the last time you ate? You look awful." I registered her shocked thoughts that ran through her words, and saw my face reflected in her thoughts. Why hadn't Jasper said anything earlier? I suppose he was distracted, he did keep thinking about Alice – and something else I couldn't quite figure out. I put my hand to my face and felt under my eyes.

"Oh, you know large cities. There's very little… food."

_Alright! Let's go hunting tonight then. _I could hear Emmett coming in from the other room. _There are some cougars here that might give you a nice little workout. Of course, if you can't wait, there are some lowlifes in town that we could be rid of._

I shuddered. Nothing sounded worse right now than human blood.

"Kidding, kidding. Welcome home, bro." Emmett bounded in with a huge grin on his face.

Rosalie followed close behind. "Well, welcome _back _anyways." _You haven't called this _home _in five years. What makes everyone think now should be any different. Unless you're really back to stay. I guess it's a good thing Esme insisted on building an extra bedroom upstairs._

When I turned back to Esme, Carlisle was there holding his arm around her waist. "Edward. Words cannot express how much we have missed you nor our relief and joy at seeing you again." He strode up to me and took me into his arms. _But I suspect that you understand. Welcome home, for however long you intend to stay. You will always have a home here._

I looked at the faces of the family I hadn't seen in five years, and noticed with a jolt that someone was missing. "Where's Alice?" Besides Jasper, Alice was the only other person who knew that I was coming. She had sounded so eager to see me on the phone, and now I couldn't even hear her in the house.

"Alice said she was popping over to the University for a little bit. She should be back soon- she's going to be so pleased!" It was Esme who answered, but Jasper's thoughts that interested me. He was thinking about Alice telling him to go to the airport again. He seemed frustrated, but then, I suppose he had been out of his comfort zone there. Even if he had been remarkably calm.

"Where are your things, Edward? Emmett can take them up to your room." I saw in her mind how she had decorated my room almost exactly the same as I had decorated it in Forks. She had even kept all of my music.

"I…"

How could I explain to my family how I had been living? Moving from city to city, following scum as I had once done long ago, and listening into their minds, judging their souls. Renting hotel rooms from time to time for luxuries such as a functional shower and laundry service for the one set of clothes I still owned. I had become a vigilante, soiling my hands again, not for thirst, but for vengeance upon anyone who would threaten an innocent the way the thugs back in Port Angeles had almost done to Bella. Luggage was a luxury I couldn't afford.

I had just finished off a killer when Alice called. Had it been just 24 hours ago? It seemed ages. The news report replayed in my mind.

…_we are bringing you live coverage of the latest in a string of grizzly murders in the metro area…_

Tracking had never been my strong suit. I could find a familiar mind within a radius of a few miles, but unfamiliar minds required closer proximity. I had spent most of the past five years practicing. For the first I followed Victoria. Thoughts of destroying her before she could exact revenge on me by killing Bella consumed me and I could think of nothing else. However, when word reached me that she had been destroyed, I spent three days and nights staring out of the window in a no-name motel room in Brazil, pondering how to kill myself. Bella was safe, she would live a long, happy life, provided she didn't fall off of a cliff or something. I had no more purpose. On the third night, when the hunger ripping at my throat was too much to bear, I finally left the small, dank room and slipped into the jungle.

After finishing off a couple of capybaras, I caught the irresistible scent of a predator and instinct took over. As I tore through the trees, I caught a glimpse of gold and black through the variegated vegetation. I pounced on the jaguar's back and sunk my teeth into its neck, allowing the fresh blood to rush into my mouth, ignoring the droplets that were falling from my chin onto my only shirt.

Leaving the beast dried and hanging from a tree, scavengers could still benefit from some of the flesh, I stumbled out of the jungle and took in my appearance. The blood soaked front of my shirt would never wash out – it would have to be replaced. I made my way to the nearest town and contemplated the best way to go about procuring new effects. Finally, I decided to borrow a page from Carlisle's past and twisted it to suit my present situation.

"I apologize for the manner in which I present myself today," I began, echoing the words Carlisle had once spoken to a merchant, "but the man's bleeding could not be stanched. He is alive, thank God, and in the care of the hospital, but I could not help myself. I had to do all in my training, do my part as a citizen and physician, you understand." I did my best to look slightly shocked, to mirror the look on Carlisle's face on the day he saved that man in Chicago who had impaled himself on a fence post. Carlisle had to seek out a new shirt then, and I hoped that the merchant wouldn't be able to tell human blood from animal blood.

I needn't have worried; his thoughts were in an obscure dialect of Brazilian Portuguese, difficult for me to make out, but I understood the tone. _Dear Lord, I must help this man who comes to me as a hero. _

After selecting a new shirt, very similar in style to my previous one, I considered buying a few more and settling in Brazil. The people in this village were welcoming, not particularly superstitious, and asked few questions. The abundance of wildlife in the nearby jungle was tempting as well. It was then that I heard the television turning on in the bar next door.

"…Police don't have any suspects yet, but they have assured the family that they will continue to investigate. We urge anyone who has any information regarding the whereabouts of Luciana Silva to contact us."

The picture of the television from several different perspectives flickered through my mind. On the screen was a photo of a young woman, perhaps 18 or 19, the age Bella was when I left. She was robed in black and wearing a mortarboard, smiling as she held up her diploma. At the bottom of the screen were the words "Missing since Monday", "Last seen at th_e Catedral da Sé_", and the number at which to contact the police and the television station.

I left the store, barely remembering to pay for the shirt in my hands. The woman's face burned in my mind. It was her eyes- milk chocolate, warm and deep, familiar eyes. That was what made the decision for me, her eyes. I had to find that woman.

For days I made my way towards Sao Paulo on the south coast of Brazil, looking in the minds of those around me for any evidence of her whereabouts. Some people on the streets had seen her on the news, but it seemed that no one knew anything about her. The news had said that she was seen at the Catedral de Se, so I started my search in earnest there.

What a stroke of luck! There was her face, fresh in the mind of a young man, not smiling and frozen as it was on the news, but marveling at the pineapple and coffee branch decorations inside of the church. Surprisingly, this memory was accompanied by something else –recognition. Not recognition of the face per se, but of something else, some information both frightening and illuminating. I moved closer, feigning inspection of the fine architecture of the cathedral, focusing my attention on the young man. As I listened, I understood the conflict in his mind, the torture he felt as he replayed the newscast over and over, alongside the memory of something else.

_My vows prohibit me. I mustn't break my vows, they are sacred. Still, that poor girl! I bet that it is the same one that man was talking about. I shouldn't have looked. I should just have kept my eyes on the ground- then I would not be tortured to know and never tell. I can never tell. I must keep my vows._

I heard the conversation replayed, heard the confession of kidnapping, the confession of lust, the confession of greed, all uttered in the secrecy and safety of the confessional. I saw the face of the sinner as the priest looked on in disbelief and shock. Unable to control myself, I turned to him.

"I am no priest. I am not bound by your vows."

His surprise barely registered as I ran out the doors of the cathedral, going entirely too fast.

With another face to search for, it wasn't long before I found the predator and dispatched justice. I stayed in Sao Paulo long enough to hear the news of my triumph, anonymous of course, on the evening broadcast.

"...and some happy news today from the family in Sao Paulo that had reported their daughter missing last week. Police found Luciana Silva in the basement of a local drug dealer, Alfredo Santos, last night after a ransom note was delivered to the police station. Curiously, Santos' address was written on the back of the letter. When they arrived, police found Santos unconscious on the floor. Luciana is being treated for minor wounds at an undisclosed hospital, and the family asks that their privacy be respected during this difficult time. Police suspect that an anonymous vigilante is to thank for the interception and delivery of the ransom note."

My heart, if it could beat, would have been racing. I felt as close to satiated as I had in a very long time – finally, I had a new reason to live. For the next few years, I wandered from city to city, from Brazil to Ecuador, then on to Honduras, Texas, Nebraska, Minnesota, and for a while I was even in Europe. Everywhere, I would listen to the news for some unsolved crime, some criminal or predator still free. Whenever possible, I would find a way to incapacitate the villain, but leave him alive. Mine was not to punish, only to deliver them for justice. Of course, some times I was left no choice. Alice called me away before I had a chance to hear it for myself, but when they identified the body of the "latest in a string of grizzly murders in the metro area", they would identify it as Emmanuel Buis from Port-au-Prince, Haiti. Curiously, they would soon find that the murders would certainly, and mysteriously, cease.

The front door slammed and I was brought back to the present. "I've been traveling light," I finally admitted to Esme.

Alice had arrived, and was next to me in a blink. "It's time!"

"Time for what?" Esme asked, her eyes bright with curiosity.

"What, did you think we forgot?! Don't tell me you did! It's your birthday and your anniversary with Carlisle!" As she led the family to a large table covered in a beautiful table cloth on which she had piled all of our presents, her mind was busy. She seemed to be composing a poem for the happy couple and then translating it into Japanese, Korean, Arabic…

I recognized this tactic.

I knew what I was hiding from them, but what was Alice hiding from me?


	14. Chapter 14 Confessions

**Chapter 14 – Confessions**

The sweet smell of nectar and the sounds of insects harvesting it filled the air as Rosalie led us into the back yard to see her gift for the couple. There, in what I knew from Esme's thoughts had as recently as yesterday been a patch of lawn, a thicket of flowers was growing in the style of English gardens. Pink flowers and red buds of azaleas, frothy white blooms of hydrangeas, small bright bursts of aster, climbing vines of morning glory, so much more, and above it all, boughs of dogwood heavy with fragrant, waxy petals.

"Oh, Rosalie, how beautiful! I can't wait to arrange a bouquet in the vase Edward picked out – how perfect!" It turns out that Rosalie had spent the night digging up a corner of the garden and planting. I had to admit, it was pretty thoughtful of her. As always, though, Rosalie's thoughts were smug.

_ Who tipped _him_ off? He wasn't here – what, is he able to predict the future now too?_

Huh. Rosalie had never been jealous of my extra abilities before. Resentful, sure; she valued her privacy, but she had always been content with her beauty. Now, I distinctly noted a hint of jealousy. I would be careful not to let on; I had always done my best to afford my family the privacy they desired.

For Alice, however, I was making an exception. Her thoughts were an impenetrable mess of odd languages, songs, poems, and lists. I internally cursed her focus and willpower. Whatever it was that she was avoiding, I was intent on listening for any slipup. I turned around in circles, listening everywhere. Where was Alice, anyway?

_Leave it, Edward._ Jasper could sense my focus and my frustration. _And no, I don't know what it is. She wouldn't tell me, either. _

Ah, now his earlier frustration made sense. So that's why Alice wanted him to pick me up from the airport: so she wouldn't have to spend any extra time around me hiding her thoughts so guardedly.

Carlisle took Esme by shoulders and spun her around to face him. "There will be plenty of time to walk in this garden." _And we can always recreate it wherever we move. _"For now, my love, there are more presents to be bestowed. If you would do me the honor…" He held his elbow out to her and led her to the great hall.

"What…when? Alice?" Esme's surprise at seeing the transformation delighted the rest of the family. The blue vase was already on top of the piano and had been filled with flowers from Rosalie's garden. In the middle of the recently empty room sat a large table that Alice had covered with a billowy white linen tablecloth. Seven white pillar candles burned at one end, the two tallest symbolizing the patriarch and matriarch of the family, while the rest of the anniversary presents rested at the other end.

"Well, it's a party, isn't it? What's a party without a little decoration?" Alice said as she came dancing in. She was in her element; in another life she could have been an event planner. I could just imagine the extravagant weddings that she would tailor for exacting brides. Whoever hired her was sure to get their money's worth. Maybe, I thought, I would suggest it to her later on – she didn't need the money, but she might like the new hobby. That is, I would suggest it if she ever let on what she was hiding from me.

"What will it be, love? Perhaps you would like to open the present from Emmett next?" _And get it out of the way. Emmett's taste has always been questionable, but I thought he knew Esme better than that. I know his heart is in the right place though – perhaps he's hoping to use it as an excuse to spend more time with her. _

Esme deftly undid the unruly knot atop Emmett's present with her delicate fingers. This amused Emmett to no end. _Just tear the damn thing. That's what I would do, _he kept thinking to himself. Esme peeled back the bits of tape, careful not to tear the wrapping paper and unfolded it before turning her attention towards the box underneath.

"It's 'Big Game Hunter'," Emmett announced before Esme could open the lid. "It's a video game. I bought you the system to go with it, and it's already set up in the den. It's awesome- there's a ton of different levels, and you can shoot birds and deer, but there's also this level – Edward you would love this – where mountain lions charge at you and you have to shoot them before they can maul you. It's not very challenging, but it gets you pumped for the real thing."

I had to hand it to Esme. Her smile was perfect as she thanked Emmett for the gift. "Alright, hot shot. You and me, tête à tête, right after Alice has had her fun."

"This is for the two of you," Jasper said as he handed Carlisle an envelope. Carlisle made the requisite recipient show of reassuring Jasper, in his capacity as the gift giver, that he needn't have done any such thing. I was glad that I had given Esme the vase earlier in private; I disliked the rituals of public gift giving. Perhaps, I mused, it was something I had developed distaste for during my time in Forks.

"Oh, look darling! How lovely!" _Just the thing to take Esme's mind off of the upcoming move. She has always loved Italy._ "Jasper, this is truly a treat. Thank you. Where did you ever find such a unique opportunity?" _Especially for a couple as unique as we. _

"Of all of the inventions that we have benefited from in the past few centuries, perhaps the internet is my favorite." Jasper smiled. "You can really find anything on there." _Including, _he thought_, tickets to crepuscular walking tours of popular tourist spots around the world_. _Who knew?_ "Who's next?" Jasper seemed eager to take the attention off of himself.

"Who's left? Carlisle?" Emmett raised an eyebrow in Carlisle's direction.

"Um, I was rather intending to… that is..."

"Me! I'm next!" Alice waltzed around the room and settled near Esme's side, saving Carlisle from having to say, in front of this family, that his present to his wife was not for public display. She rested her head against Esme's shoulder.

"I know how much you dislike moving, always feeling as if you have left something behind, whether because you can't take it with you or because you _didn't_ take it with you..." If it were possible, Esme might have already been in tears by now. "…so I thought I would bring home a little piece of the home we left behind."

In one swift movement, Alice grabbed the tablecloth and pulled hard, sending a shower of wrapping paper flying, but leaving the pillar candles steady and upright, revealing the polished surface of Esme's favorite dining room table.

Esme's hands flew to her mouth. "You remembered!"

In our haste to leave Forks five years ago, we left many treasures behind, intending to send for them once we had settled_. I should have known we'd never get around to doing it. Between Carlisle's work, Jasper's classes, Rosalie and Emmett's…romping, and Alice's search for her roots, I guess we just let a lot of things slip through the cracks. _She wasn't being completely honest with herself. There, in the back of her mind, was the real reason the table had never made it to the new house, and why the new house looked so much like the old one.

_It's not really our _home_ until we're all in it. I won't finish it until we're all home together, as a family. _

I was spending so much time trying to unravel Esme's thoughts that I almost didn't notice that Alice's poem translating had stopped. I knew that given our capacity for thought she never would have tired of busying her mind, so something must have interrupted her.

The table.

Staring at the reflection of her face in its polished surface reminded Alice of the day she had retrieved it. It had been a last minute decision; after she called me home she saw a vision of her bringing Esme's favorite table back for this occasion. She had driven all night in her convertible to be there in the house when the movers arrived, and she was checking her windswept hair in the window's reflection. There, in her memory, I saw what she has seen and I collapsed.

Jasper sensed the changed in my emotions and moved quickly, holding me by the shoulders to protect Alice from my mounting rage – indistinguishable to me from my despair. My family's eyes all turned towards me as I collapsed in Jasper's grip, the sound of anguish erupting from my chest, beyond my control.

Alice's thoughts invaded my sorrow. _I'm so sorry; I didn't want you to know. At least, not now, not like this. _

Carlisle was at my side as he took my face in his hands. "Son, please, what could be causing you such pain?"

Somehow, impossibly, I gathered up enough strength for two words.

"She's…pregnant."

"Who? Alice? That's impossible dude, you know that's imposs…" Carlisle silenced Emmett's words with one look.

An eternity passed in which I was adrift in others thoughts rather than facing my own. Rosalie's jealousy, Emmett's continued confusion, Jasper's focus at keeping me calm, Alice's apologies, Esme's empathy, Carlisle's analysis of the whole situation.

Finally, it was Carlisle who spoke; of course, it was he who pieced it together for the rest of them.

"Bella. Bella is pregnant."


	15. Chapter 15 Decisions

**A/N: I must love the reviews and hits I get on Saturdays because I'm posting on my B-day **** Reminder, I do not own Twilight. **

**Please review **** or at least comment!**

**Chapter 15 – Decisions**

Four hundred and seventy two.

That was the number of times Alice had apologized to me this evening, both out loud and in her thoughts.

_I promise you, I wasn't looking for her! You told me not to and I didn't; I mean, I looked ahead to make sure she _wasn't_ going to be there – I'm so sorry. I can't _un-see_ it._

Four hundred and seventy three.

I knew she was telling the truth. I saw everything played out over and over again in her mind. She had looked before departing for Forks to make sure that she wouldn't see Bella. It was a favor to me, but also in keeping with one of my last requests before leaving the family. "Please don't look in on her," I had asked, "I promised her a clean break, and you deserve one too."

Alice really hadn't seen Bella; at least, she hadn't seen her up until she appeared at the old house. It wasn't like Alice to be surprised, and I could hear how it shook her confidence. Alice hadn't seen Bella anywhere _near_ Forks.

"At least she's convinced it was a hallucination, Edward, I got out of their quickly. And at least the moving guys take their job seriously enough to have kept their employers' identities private. I don't see her searching for us at all. I wouldn't worry…" Alice's voice trailed off. _In fact, I don't see her at all. Maybe I _should_ worry…_

I snapped my head up and stared at Alice, searching for meaning in her thoughts, coming to only one conclusion. "She's _dead?" _I spoke the words as from the depths of a tomb.

"No, I think I would see _that..._I think_. _I… I don't know what it means. Maybe I've just… become out of tune with her. You know how I see people's futures better if I know them well. Or maybe she's developed some sort of immunity, like she had against your talent." _Though that seems unlikely. What's _wrong _with me?_

Without my intention, a sound tore from my chest and echoed in the minds of my family, I saw their concern and fear interlaced with the mirrored agony from my face. The vision was familiar, a copy of every terrorized immortal face being destroyed and burnt. Bella was my pyre. The love that once burned in me now consumed me. I knew that the raw material would never be fully consumed; I would burn forever.

Part of me started bargaining with myself. Bella wasn't dead. If she was alive, I could live with myself. She was taken care of, at least, and starting a family. I promised her it would be as if I never existed, and she was able to move on as I had intended. It was for the best.

How long would it be before I could forget her? How long until I could let her go? Never. Carlisle and I had talked once about love, about how our kind finds it and the bonds between mates. He told me that once our kind changes, it is forever. Bella had imprinted herself on my heart, and I knew no one else would fit the gaping empty space she left behind.

Slowly, as if the air around me had thickened, a feeling of calm seeped into me. I could hear Jasper's focus and feel his determination to ease my pain. It was taking all of his concentration; mine was no easy fix. As the calm erased the pain, it blurred my focus on Bella's face and fate. I clung to my misery.

"Edward, this amount of agony isn't good for you and it's not fair to you." _Or us for that matter. _"I love you as if you were my own brother, but you need to let her go."

My agony exploded into rage forcing Jasper to lose control over me. "Could you let Alice go, Jasper?" I screamed, forcing all of my anger out into the air. It surprised me how quickly the anger was replenished. "Could Carlisle let Esme go? Or Emmett, Rose? No. That's not how this works. She was…"

A sob, a catch in my throat, the frustration of the immortal inability to weep, stopped me in my tirade. Slowly, I drew air into my dead lungs. "She was my mate, Jasper," I continued quietly, "though I tried to deny it to myself and to anyone who would listen. Perhaps even though it could never have worked out, or would have lasted only a fraction of my life, I never wanted anyone else. Will never want anyone else."

"Hmm." Alice said, her thoughts suddenly turning from frustration to searching. Flashes of futures raced through her head; places, both familiar and foreign, faded in and out as I tried to discern her visions. Finally, a brief glimpse of strawberry blonde hair held gently in the stony fingers of an immortal. The fingers reached out to grasp the shoulder beneath the hair, turning the body around to face the beholder. There, reflected in the golden eyes of a familiar vampire, was my face.

"Never." With great effort, I made my voice sound flat and without anger. Alice's visions had to be faulty again. What would make her see me with Tanya?

"Well," Alice replied gently, "it's not like _she_ hasn't thought of it." The vision continued as Tanya's face drew closer to mine and her eyes closed…

"Never." I repeated. Tanya _had_ expressed interest once, and she _was_ pretty, I supposed, but she could never compare to Bella. I would never see another the way I saw Bella. It is as if she were a meteor crossing a starry night sky; there may still be stars in the heavens, but I would never see them for my vision would never adjust.

Alice's vision changed as I contemplated them, but not enough for my liking. Tanya was still there, lying beside me on a hill. We were talking, just talking. But I was smiling. I could see that it would be easy, after a while. It wouldn't be like my love for Bella; of course not, but it would be easy. Tanya and I could support each other; after all, we had the same philosophy about our existence, and she was…sturdier…than Bella was. Maybe, just maybe after a while I could learn to love Tanya enough to ease my pain.

And how long had it been since I had smiled? My face looked oddly contorted with something unfamiliar; contentment. For the briefest of moments, I allowed myself to share that contentment with the possible future version of me.

And then I plummeted back to the present.

Jasper hadn't seen the vision, but he had felt my momentary calm before my despair collapsed back in upon me. "You deserve to be happy, Edward. At the very least."

I replayed Alice's vision in my head; just the part where I was smiling. I _did_ want to be happy, regardless of whether I deserved it. Though I didn't believe I deserved anything but my misery, but the happiness was tempting. Part of me hated myself for wanting it.

And then something surfaced in my mind that I had been trying to repress. I wanted to go back for her, for Bella. I wanted to take her in my arms and feel the warmth of her body radiate through mine. I even wanted to be tortured by her scent again, feeling the burn of thirst in my throat. I wanted all of this, and she had moved on. Even if I returned to Forks, she wouldn't want me.

An eternity passed as I contemplated my options.

"Alice, will you drive me to the airport?" I asked, not quite meeting anyone's stare.

"Um, Edward, I… that is, I mean, I don't see this anytime _soon. _And it's not even very clear. Are you _sure? _Why would you want to force yourself into this?"

"I need this Alice." I traced the pattern of the wood in the floor, still avoiding her eyes. "If I have a chance at being happy again, if only one thousandth as happy as with Bella, I need to pursue it. I can't go back to… before."

Esme may be ignorant of my behavior over the past five years, but there was no fooling Alice. She remembered catching glimpses of me killing and not knowing the motivation, not understanding that I had become a vigilante. I didn't explain what she had seen, and she didn't ask for explanation.

"Alright," she started slowly, "if it will make you feel better_." We'll miss you, you know. Even Rosalie, in her own way. _

"Thank you, Alice."

"Jasper, would you like to come with us?" Alice didn't trust my emotions to leave Jasper behind while we were together. I suppose that was fair.

We drove in silence, or at least, no one spoke.

Alice's thoughts were obsessed with her inability to see Bella; she was worried about her new blind spot. Jasper's thoughts were repetitive and focused on keeping me calm.

They dropped me off in front of the Alaska Airlines terminal. We hugged as I listened to Alice and Jasper's fervent wishes that I find happiness. I hoped they were right. I began to question my decision to leave without saying goodbye to the rest of my family, but then, I had always been a fan of clean breaks. Emmett might miss me, but Rosalie could always distract him. Carlisle and Esme would be distracted on their tour of Italy, at least.

Italy.

Another way out of my misery occurred to me as I ran towards the counter for Air Italia, hoping Alice would be too far away to stop me.


End file.
